WAKE UP!!

went for weight training during lunch time. as usual my trainer was speechless when i told her this was my first weight training for this week. even when she lightened up the weight i was breathless and already shaking in the first few sets. she only commented that my cardio and endurance was slipping way way down.
told her about my frustration this morning. how i felt like crying when the only blouse that fits me has a gap in between the buttons. after the weighing session she only looked me in the eyes and asked "do you remember the time when i have to stop you from hitting the gym 'cos you're doing too much?". yeah, those were the days when i played hide and seek whenever i did more classes instead of following her advice to take a break. those were the days when she kept on complaining that i was not eating enough. those were the days when i could simply choose anything to wear from my wardrobe. those were the days when i could join any gathering and select a good meal instead of being tempted with whatever sinful on the list. those were the days when i treasure my weekends as it was the time for me to reward myself with a sinful indulgence.
i went back to the office with her question hanging on my mind. even my friend back home asked if i didn't feel sad all my effort was gone just like that. from 42 to 46 to 49 and now 53, from size 0 to i don't know what size i am now. i wonder why i couldn't be the old me that woke up early every morning to prepare my own breakfast, that spent the weekend doing marketing and planning on each and every meal.
at the time i started blogging i wrote down my hope of achieving a healthy weight and instead of blogging about it, my story here was more on my way of becoming a bigger me. i hope this time around it's a worth wake up call for me, especially that my training package is over soon - calling for action