Justifying Myself

had a good game on monday. woke up late to miss combat on tuesday. had a good class at night. didn't run yesterday but did the house chores prior to mum's arrival. tired from all the cleaning after the guests left. slept late. not a peaceful sleep as mum snored here and there. feeling very sleepy now. vb on saturday. standchart 10k run on sunday. still not at my perfect game when boss called at 5pm asking me to rush few things out just because the phillippines office had, geez.. the kiasu attitude eh. and she's supposed to be on hospitalisation leave. so why should i go combat today? shouldn't i just go home? or better still - go for a wash & blow prior to going home. right? right?

Loneliness

have you ever feel alone even when you're surrounded by families and friends? alone that you even asked yourself why you feel that way considering how contented you are with what life has given you this far?. could it be a warning so that you don't stop just because you're contented? could it be just the loneliness begging for attention since you've neglected him for so long because you're busy? or is it just a reminder so that you don't give up?

Finally!

Congratulations! You have successfully met the requirements of the PMI Exam Application audit. You have until 11/27/2008 3:42:37 PM (1 year) to schedule and take the exam

sounds like a melody to my ears ...

Mum

i purposedly took leave today to clean the house. i didnt do it during the weekend because i was practically out of the house most of the time. either that or i was simply lazy to use the little time i have for that. i asked mum what time she'd be arriving and she said just like last time 1 pm. i didnt ask for details and i assumed its 1 pm my time, hence my decision on taking full day instead of half day of leave. promised my workmates that i'd be going back later so that we can still do the run prior to dinner at seoul garden (i told them few days ago about me missing eating here and one said she'd treat us there as she just got her 10 years long-service award). but i just checked the website and apparently the plane is scheduled to land at 4.15 pm! called mum and she said 1pm is departure time in jakarta. faint. i could've just take 1/2 day leave, go home and do some quick cleaning before fetching her eh. she insisted on me continuing with my plan though as she could take a taxi home, mum being mum. oh well, i will just cancel the run later.

but still, if i take 1/2 day today i can take another 1/2 day tomorrow to accompany her to the hospital. jakarta is pretty amusing, she went to the hospital (a private one some more) to get vaccination prior to her trip - thyphoid, flu, polio. no polio vaccination available, furthermore the doctor is in a meeting hence no one could do it that she decided to get it here instead. so funny.

oh well, i have to stop dreaming of having mie ayam pangsit for lunch since she won't be here that early and start thinking what to cook for breakfast cum lunch. and of course, start doing what i'm supposed to do - cleaning...

Interest

project management course. language course. photography course. it's all normal right. of all the courses available one of my workmate decided to take professional certification in ... feng shui!! mind you, its not that cheap, eh. haha, very interesting but still it makes me wonder why.........

Random ...

had a business lunch with that blue-green eyed bloke today. since he was the one suggesting coming to my area and go for lunch i let him made the choice when he asked where to have it. i actually picked cedele but he said it's too pack and suggested somewhere along the waterfront. huh? apparently he's referring to boat quay. he asked where i said anything, as usual. he picked two and i had to choose which one. italian or thai? italian. outdoor or indoor? outdoor.

lunch was good, no awkwardness whatsoever. well of course there were moments of silence where one was caught looking at the other party, but that's normal right. though it was supposed to be a business lunch we talked more on sports, his baby, his girlfriend and other stuff, only 25% of the conversation involved business. he's french so i had to be very attentive when he talked so as to understand his words. of course i was also enjoying his eyes - which somehow became green-golden. i just hope i didn't look very mesmerised everytime i looked into his eyes when we're talking. hey, God's creation here... must be adored :). i was pretty blunt when i told him that i find parisian snobbish that he almost choked on his pizza. its true eh though he said its not snobbish, they're just a little bit proud. duh!! what's the difference. we talked about my belief too. its definitely a nice lunch and i am really hoping for something positive here.

--

boss called me in talking about some course in mid january. i took this opportunity to talked about the growing database and gave some suggestion which was accepted very well. at the same time i felt a pang of guilt. what if one day i leave the company. i know she will be very upset and am i willing to hurt her after working 8 years with her. there were ups and downs for sure but i kinda regard and love her like i do my mum. all the things i do, trying very hard to do the best in all the things i was asked to do simply because i want her to be proud of me, to see her smile. it's very hard for me if i think of all that. not that i'll be leaving or whatsoever - but what if?

--

Men judge women according to whether they can picture having sex with them;

women judge men by whether they can imagine kissing them.

White teeth, fresh breath, great shoes, cell phone turned off, and unchapped lips make her more apt to lock lips with you that night.

got this from the net earlier. hmm not sure about the 1st statement but i kinda agree with the 2nd one. i shared this with few girls and they agreed as well.

i think about the lunch i had earlier - yupe, i totally agree with it :)

--

called home earlier. mum is the one going on a tour but i was the one who's busy. vaccination. insurance. bla bla bla. the 3rd time i called my nephew picked it up and of course i had problem ending the conversation. he asked if i know that viento, one of our cat, has been missing for a week. my heart skipped a beat. oh no! please God, don't let anything bad happen to him. please let him find his way home. i know i can't hope for the best now but still a body is better than nothing. no, nothing but him returning home is the best result. please please come back safely viento....

Memorable ...

i am just done watching batman begins for the 3rd time mainly because it has christian bale, one of the actors i like. and in my opinion, of all the batman movies made, this is the best. also, the fighting scene in the mountain is simply beautiful!

i love listening to quotes in any movies i watch and i recall liking few quotes in this movie everytime i watch it.

- it is not who you are underneath, it is what you do that defines you ...

- why do we fall? so that we might learn better to pick ourselves up

now it's permanently captured here ..

on another note, i miss reading mr. coelho's book. i miss his words. i miss the self-reflection i always end up with after reading it. i miss the drive i have everytime i'm done reading it. i just miss it. period. at the moment i'm reading a book about a woman searching for her purpose in life. well actually, i just read few pages of it so can't comment anything at the moment. it looks good though, and at least even reading few pages have give me something to reflect upon myself. lets see how it goes.....

lastly, an amusing quote from the same movie :- what was the point of all those push-ups when you can't even lift the bloody log? :)

Somebody Save Me!!

i'm feeling sinful today.

woke up early though i only slept at 3ish this morning only because i couldn't wait any longer to have my indomie goreng kornet - tried indomie goreng kriuuukkk which was well, crunchy :). i know i had a wedding to attend to in the afternoon but i couldn't care less. another round of eating during wedding, arabic food and cream puff with ice-cream filling. yummy yummy and i ate without remembering the fact that i had difficulty finding an outfit earlier. bought myself a bar of mars ice-cream on my way home when i know i shouldn't. rested awhile and woke up just to text my friend saying that i'd skipped tennis (yes, i met a girl who stays just a station away with a tennis court in her condo and she invited me to join her sessions on sundays and tuesdays. yippeee). the weather wasn't good that i was hoping it rains so i have a better excuse to skip it but of course there's always a conspiracy going on against me that i ended up saying i'm tired and would only join next week. lets see if i do so since i have a run to do in the morning. and now i'm having difficulty making up my mind on what should i have for dinner even when i ain't that hungry, just itchy to munch something. i should've get moving and do the house chore instead of lazing around now that inspector mum is coming in few days time. but all i can think of is kfc? mcdonalds? pizza hut? help me, somebody .. anybody!!

Shallow Entry

i skipped vb today because i was having a good time at a friend's house warming. well actually i left early but went up again after few minutes of contemplation by the side road. firstly if i do vb i would only stay for like an hour to go home and get ready for dinner. secondly my insurance agent was still not there when i left the place and i wanted to see her to pass this lucky draw thingo i received through mail. i stuffed myself with 4 rounds (yess 4!!) of nasi uduk, gado2 and some medan's crackers. we were like supporting each other that whenever one person wanted to eat the rest would eat as well. sigh sigh sigh. 4 days of cardio went just like that.

i was supposed to go home, shower, get change and go out for dinner pronto. instead i spent more than 15 minutes trying clothes. none fits me!! even the jeans i bought recently was slightly tight. yes i keep on saying this yet i don't seems to do anything to fix it seriously. i know i know, but for now i just want to remind myself again. the dinner is somewhere posh and yet i couldn't wear what i deemed appropriate. a moment i thought of not going because of this wardrobe issue but thankfully i managed to find something a little representable and go. geepers, this body seriously need to be tortured fast! the question is WHEN and HOW can i get my motivation back?

i did pretty okay this week, even patted myself on the back when i detoured from mrt station to gym on thursday. but it isn't enough. not for me who's been exercising vigorously before. i really need more!!!!

Its the Class Not the Person

during the amazing race asia last night, i called home. my nephew picked up the call and told me that her mum said 'weeekkksss'. apparently they're watching it too and they were surprised upon seeing my favourite instructor. my sis said she was in shock, my brother in-law's eyes almost came out of the socket while my youngest sis could only laughed 'cos she has attended his class once. hello, i gotta make an explanation that i like his class not him! come on, i don't think i'm that nuts eh. but the fact is he does conduct a great class, reaching out to each and everyone in it. me and few gym buddies used to move from branch to branch simply to attend his class.

but that was then. i couldn't even remember when was the last time i attended his class. all i remembered was him asking me if i was busy at work, hence the absence. hahahaha, not busy but lazy. well lets see if i can make it this monday.

anyway .. i still root for him this season.

Food and Body

now i'm absolutely, 110% sure that shah alam has the best prata in singapore. after not having it for quite some time i'm beginning to like the prata in food republic, vivo city. last night after our run i was thinking about this place and kfc though we ended up in kfc. so today we went there for lunch. hp and jn agreed that the prata is tasty. so do go and try it!
on my way back i bought the new edition of women's weekly. i was tempted for 2 days now after seeing what's written on the front cover - learn her (jennifer garner's) fast-results body shaping plan. well of course i know i can't really believe that since she has the body way before pregnancy. but this kinda info will motivate me to work harder in the gym or at least i can use some of her weight training method. well, that's what i thought. started flipping through it i stopped at the page where she is featured. info on how fast she get back to activities after giving birth, the next page is where the body shaping plan info is. and what's the plan?
targeted toning for the cheeks, jaw and forehead $600 for 20 minutes, to contour the body call yadda yadda yadda, temposcilation (whatever that is) portion body slim therapy $400 for 30 mins. blxxdy hxll. !&^#)!^#(#!#P($P$!${{$. i feel soooooooo cheated!

Quote of the Day

some wait a lifetime to travel

a wise travel a lifetime

- unknown (to me)

Record Breaker

its 2 am in the morning. i have been on the phone for 3 hours now. blimmey!! how i wish i could end the conversation .............

Siem Reap

i didn't sleep the whole night. well actually i did, but i let my light on so every few minutes i alwasy woke up. a friend texted me at 3ish am so that i didn't miss my flight. during checked-in i read the info under my e-visa and that was when i realised i had to have 2 copies of it. bugger! searched high and low to print or scan or even copy what i have but you couldn't find any in changi! i gave up and stopped to have my breakfast. casually i shared my frustration with the staff and what do you know, he had this phone-fax-copier machine and he copied one for me. very sweet of him. during boarding, my sunblock got confiscated as its > 100ml. i tried to negotiate as it's only half left in it but i'm sorry miss. i just got it few weeks back and its pretty costly too. oh well.

day 01 - thursday, 15 Nov'07

reached there on time and found the guest house's driver holding a paper with 'mehrani sakasim' written on it. haha. he was also fetching another 3 person from singapore so after all were there we went to the hostel. casually i asked those guest if they're going to do the tour provided by the hotel. they were and they actually asked if all of us could go together. i agreed but of course being a minority there i sort of have to follow what they want, like car instead of tuk tuk. i weighed the pros and cons. if i were to go with them i could cut my tour cost down to 75% and i could do tuk tuk on my own. so i agreed and after putting all our stuff we started the tour. we went to angkor thom, angkor wat, bayoun, and few others. had amouk, which was like our sayur singkong but better, for lunch. done with all the temples we went for a foot massage first to kill time. we were asked to change to pyjamas and the foot massage somehow ended up like a whole body massage with concentration on legs. us$6, not bad eh. done with massage we went to this temple to see the sunset. it was a steep climb up and we had to be very careful as the traffic wasn't control so you might just stepped at someone who's climbing up and quite a tiring one too. sunset was good that i enjoyed it even when i was alone and surrounded by people. well, even when i was with other people we only spent the journey and meal together, the rest of the tour i was practically on my own. it was good though, from eavesdropping other people's guide i managed to make friends with a group from mexico and explored angkor wat together with them. done with sunset we're all ready for some food! the planned was to go to the guest house's club where there was a free apsara dance. however, the driver brought us to this buffet dinner which has a better performance. oh well, not that i can eat much there but i sure did stuff myself with loads of french loafs.

day 02 - friday, 16 Nov'07

nobody wanted to do sunrise at angkor wat so all of us get ready and left the place at 9 am. 1st stop, waterfall. it was out of siem reap and the only option is car so another tuk tukless day for me. the journey itself took like an hour or so and once we reached there we started our trekking up. just few minutes up we met this couple and casually asked on the journey up. they looked disappointed saying the waterfall ain't that great but told us to continue and decided ourselves. one girl was having a 2nd thought and i was a bit afraid they decided to cancel. it's one against 3 neh. but the guy was pretty wise saying to continue so as not to waste the long journey. it was quite a tough trek up where you have to climb few rocks and stuff before reaching the waterfall. 30 mins of journey and there we were looking at some stone crafts around the waterfall, enjoying the view before continuing our journey down. i was perspiring like mad which was good considering how long i've been missing a good workout. i sprained my ankle on the way down and i had to walk a little bit slower after that. thank God its nothing serious. back from waterfall we continued doing the grand tour - jungle temple, angkor thom and few others. i have to say angkor thom is definitely my favourite one, with the trees and stuff; this is where they filmed most of the screen from the 1st lara croft movie. after all these tour we stopped at central market for some shopping though most of the shops were closed already. dinner and off we went back to the guest house. i requested for massage - us$3/hour in your own room, tell me if this isn't a good deal! they even covered your face with cucumber when they're doing the front side of your body.

day 03 - saturday, 17 Nov'07

left around 9ish in the morning to do the floating village boat ride . prior to that we stopped at the old market, looking at the weekend activities in the wet market and did some shopping and off we go to tonle sap. seeing all these people makes you feel really really blessed being borned in a normal situation where you don't have to worry much on where your next meal will come from. and yet we *well at least me* still complain every now and there wishing for something more. done with the tour we were brought to 4 more temples. by this time i was already sick of temples. so i just went in awhile, took pictures if the place was nice or simply taking candid shots of the kids and the surroundings. talking about the kids, they're all just so cheeky and smart. they can named the capital city of almost every country and in return they'd asked you to buy something. when i said i have bought it they'd said i didn't get it from them so i had to. you just need to be very firm and said no, which is something i'm not good at. one of the lady brought lots of candies, biscuits, pencils and gave it to them. she was told to do so by her friend back home so as not to make the kids disappointed when we rejected buying things from them. it is an excellent idea and it never came across my mind to do so. they're so happy and i think it's a common thing there that sometimes they would asked you point blank, 'you have candy for me, lady?'
done with all these, we stopped for lunch. this time around i tried their lhok lhak beef. not bad as well. before leaving the place i bought some sourish stuff from the passer by seller and enjoyed it on my journey back to city. we went to central market and asked the driver to fetch us back in 2 hours time. i was like what the heck must i do spending 2 hours shopping? not for me. so after getting the things i need i went out of central market in search for some cambodian goodies. asking around and some said old market, so i walked to old market and after searching high and low to no avail i started asking around for a nearby supermarket. tough time finding people who understood me. from one minimart to another, walking for quite some time along the road and yet i still couldn't find any cambodian goodies apart from that overly charged cookies so i just get something from vietnam instead, haha. don't care lah, colleagues are not allowed to comment. tired with all these and i still have an hour to spare i hailed a tuk-tuk and with a mixture of english, sign language and some acting i got him to take me around the city for an hour. he brought me quite far that i kept asking if there's enough time for me to reach central market by 6 pm. i casually asked about the french loaf and what is put inside. he said mostly pork and i made face, so his next question is about my belief. and apparently he's a moslem too. so the journey became enjoyable when he stopped and explained to me about the moslem in siem reap, about his imam and stuff. he then brought me to some paddyfield and asked me to watch the sunset while he went away leaving me alone in a tuk-tuk in a middle of nowhere. i enjoyed the view and at the same time tried to locate his whereabouts. apparently .. he was doing his own 'business' behind the bush. after having enough of the sunset i asked him to move and i reached central market just at the same time as the driver came. dinner by the road side, fried mama noodle with vegetables for me, we headed back to the guest house. it was pretty early so after i had my shower i went out strolling around the area. stopped at the night market and then went to the main road hoping to get some french loaf. pretty interesting view i saw in the lane i passed by, girls "preparing" themselves for some action, girls already in action, that i increased my pace to reach the brighter lane faster. stopped at those road-sides carts but i couldn't get anything as all i saw was those porky nose hanging loosely waiting to be eaten. eeekkk. did some walking and decided to go back to the hostel when i realised its already past 9. ordered garlic bread from the bar *it was nice!* and another massage i ended the day sinfully contented.

day 04 - sunday, 18 Nov'07

left the guest house at 6. the driver was so cute, when i was taking some pictures of the guest house he approached me saying that since i would go bye-bye soon take picture with him. so we had our pictures taken. i asked for his number and he asked for my email. wuah, not bad eh! left the guest house and reached airport early BUT still i was late for the flight. final boarding announcement and i was still standing at the immigration queue. thanks to the slow staff in my queue. when i asked him to hurry up in stamping or typing as the flight's going soon he told me that i need to come early for that. i was annoyed and told him off that i was early and he was too slow. come on i came in earlier than the 3 person but they took the other queue and were done way faster than me! huh!

well, all in all it was a pretty interesting getaway.
its been a while since i went on a trip alone and its just nice to spend time with myself. and not to mention, i have 3 new friends now.

ps. juwi, i got 200ish pictures and i can't upload all to flickr. still finding a way to upload all before sharing it with you guys ;)

And So ..

i'm back!!
landed at 11.10 am, went home, put backpack, changed to long pants, visit a cousin who's going hajj on wednesday *supposed to do so last wednesday but somehow movie won over visiting*, went to a carnival for a short while and then home.
now all i need is to do unpack, do my laundry, upload the pictures before writing down my weekend getaway for me to re-read in the future..

Later .....

Count Down

i'm done with my packing. ironed the clothes and all and i'm just ready to leave the house. well i'm feeling excited now as this can be called my first backpacking trip alone. travelling alone isn't new but with a limited cash, hostel to stay at, and just a backpack, ALONE - this is exciting.

actually too much negative energy around me for the last 2 days. people were asking if i was seriously going alone, some thought i was joking while few thought i was actually going with my boyfriend (DUH!! shouldn't i have one first for that?!?). after accepting the truth that i'd be alone they then started asking questions like 'are you sure it's safe?', 'you're a girl, okay mah?' and few others and like it or not it got into me too. even my parents weren't that apprehensive, all they said was be careful and mom was more interested in knowing what's there to see.

went to watch a movie earlier and during the show, somehow my mind wandered to what i am supposed to do the following day and my i felt like my heart made a little salto - am i really going alone or should i just skip it?. darn!! i recollected myself and focus on what my mom always said when i wanted to do things but reluctant because i got no one to do it with - 'why must depend on others, do it if you really want to. after all when you die, you'll be alone inside the grave'.

i guess me being worried is more on the fact that i haven't do any research or even reading about the place. well i know roughly but not that deep. guess i'll just start doing my reading now while waiting for 4 AM to come. i'd rather not sleep than waking up late for the flight, man.

Teacher's Talk

i'm enjoying my teaching experience more and more these days. the students are funny eventhough their police especially one man, whom sometimes confused me - should i call him uncle or just the name?. looking at his face just makes me laugh and sometimes i really couldn't control it. like today, when i told that to him during break another student told me that he looked that bart simpson. so you should know what happen after the break was over.

today since it's about food and restaurant, i spent the last 40 minutes talking about the indonesian foods here - the restaurants, the food including batagor, the drinks and all in bahasa. then i asked them one at a time different questions but it's all about food and drinks. it was indeed fun as even the blur guy in class looked very excited that for the first time he didn't look nervous at all. that funny guy suggested to have the next lesson at lucky plaza, sort of 'experiencing the real thing', he said. haha, yeah right!

on a random note, i have been delaying posting about superficiality for almost a week now. i really really want to write it down but i just not ready to write it down. one day i WILL write it down.

on yet another random note, i'm leaving in 2 days times; well actually less than that and i haven't even iron my clothes. and i still said yes to a dinner and movie tomorrow night. dunno neh, just lazy to do packing

People Pleaser

we had a guy joining us for tennis yesterday. since its only the 2 of us so why not. he turns out to be a good player. so we paired up to play against him. as usual, i felt a slight lack of confidence during the game. whenever my partner picked up the balls, i waited for her return instead of continuing the game with the guy. my partner kept on asking me to continue and practised more now that the opponent was much stronger.

this reminded me of another chat i had during bbq. a guy protested as i tend to spend most of the time during volley not running for the ball. i said i felt pressured especially if i ended in a competitive team, just afraid that i'd screw it up. one person said that he screwed it most of the time while the other one said that he even screwed in serve at times. jokingly he threatened saying that the next time he sees me not running after the ball he'd give me a spike.

so after the tennis session, i shared this with my friend. i kinda have the feeling that me being afraid to screw a game mainly due to me being a people pleaser. she agreed whole-heartedly, saying that i always give-in and it's just not right to do that all the time. she also advise me to start forgetting about the whole afraid of screwing things up and just concentrate on myself. hmm, a little bit difficult i have to say. i guess this people-pleaser thingo is just a normal nature for a middle child but well, i guess it's worth trying to ignore it.

so people, don't expect me to try to accommodate to you guys all the time. from now on, i think i'll try to please myself first ;) *sounds selfish huh*

Amazing Race Asia

don't miss the 2nd season, i know for sure i won't.
why? well simply because.. MY FAVOURITE INSTRUCTOR IS IN ONE OF THE TEAM!! for sure, this time around my vote goes to the singapore team.

Leg and BBQ

that's my leg, though its not clear it was red from a small incident. during the game this guy ran in front of me to catch the ball. his right leg kinda sled on top of mine and with all the sand and stuff i feel like the skin is being scrapped off. my. lucky that he is a hunk, though. hehe.

went to a bbq afterwards. i was very happy that it was in the east side - for once!! bbq was fun and the place was nice. it's those apartment which has its own roof top so we have our own private thingy there without any strangers passing by. i felt relaxed and really enjoyed myself bbq-ing, chatting, hanging out, just having fun. of of the guy has a certificate in hynopthise (?!) so we requested him to try few trick on us. i joined the group and got myself hypnothised solo. well i was a bit concsious and did some prayer in my heart so i didn't really feel hypnothise, though people said i did move my hand and head. pretty interesting. left ard 5ish after spending quite some time by the pool side chatting with one of the guy about PMP while the danish guys took a plunge. a fun night indeed though i was a bit uncomfortable with one person who's very touchy and i spent most of the time avoiding passing through the area he was at without making it too obvious. i know there is a friendly gesture, to which i am fine with, but somehow we surely know how to differentiate one and the other. ugh, i'd prefer not to meet that person again in the future.

And I ..

i feel festive ...

i always find some excuse to celebrate something, basically i'm easily excited when it comes to surprising someone. so now that boss is coming back on monday, i suggested on decorating her room with those 'welcome back' sign, balloons, crepe papers and stuff. did my shopping during lunch time and got hp to assist me on decoration. since its all on me i decided to get the cheapest stuff, anyways there's no 'welcome back' sign that i bought alphabets instead. jn was soo funny, well okay she's an operator so i couldn't expect much from her but still!! while i was busy hanging the decoration she assisted in putting double-sided tape behind the alphabets. she complained that i bought too many - what's the used of getting W and L. i knew where she's heading so i told her 'its not come back ya'. she laughed and fixed it and when i went to seeit, it was 'wecome black'. oh my!! haha .. it was a good laugh. sorry jn, but it was hilarious eh.

i feel relieved ...

a friend is out from her caving state and i spent quite some time chatting with her today. in fact i just came back from a midnight show with her *nice movie btw*. it is soo good to talk and share things with her. she told me honestly what's right and what's wrong. sometimes its just good to hear things from a 3rd party. and i am forever grateful that i am surrounded by nice and sweet people

i feel bad ...

well lets just said i was fed-up with the sadness, whining, missing, emo feeling that i just honestly told my side of story, my thoughts and my feeling. i know the point i wanted to send was sent successfully but still deep in me i thought i should've keep that all to myself and just console the other party. but it's just getting nowhere with all the emo. just move on and eventually things will get back to normal WHAT

i feel sleepy ...

after a can of coke during lunch and another one like 2 hours ago, now this is something worth celebrating. i'll celebrate it with my pillow and bolster then. nite nite..

Tired But

can't help myself from surfing the net, well .. actually facebook, before going to bed.

just came back from Batam like an hour ago. supposed to be going with 2 but ended up going with 3 workmates. managed to borrow a car with the driver from a friend that we decided to do the island hopping before enjoying the food and a little bit of shopping. immigration was so very pack that we had to queue for almost an hour just to get the stamp. time was quite wasted there so we only stopped at pantai melur and just drove through the vietnam refugee camp. just when we reached city my friend called saying we can used the car as long as we like as someone had sent the kids and his wife home. haha.. too late.

anyways from there we went to jodoh and get my favourite cheese & milk bread from morning bakery then back to nagoya where we asked the driver to go back and leave us there. had our lunch, packed rujak ulek and pempek then we went back to batam centre. we were alighted at the old batam centre so we had to walk, well halfway of the walk we stopped and took the angkot to mega mall. ate our rujak there before we did some shopping at hypermart. once done all went to A&W where surprisingly i saw my uncle passing by. apparently he, his wife and one of his son was there with his friends and 2 aunties of mine. what a sweet surprised. chit chatted awhile then we went our separate ways. met them again at the ferry terminal as we all took the 7.30 ferry, different company though. we were on a race with them and we won. our vessel took off later but reached earlier than theirs.

a pleasant day indeed. though my legs are a little bit tired from the walking we did.

Random ..

a friend is already back in south africa for good. another friend is resting in nz spending time with the family before starting on her 2 mths of adventures - south america, india, sydney; boy i envy you. yet another friend is on her way to perth while two more friends will be leaving for the country they met, then to each other's hometown - london, spain, nz. hmm, being a multinational couple does have its advantage ya. hope everyone has a good time and hope the one that is back for good will find a way back to meet the friends being left behind, including me :)

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communicate ... communicate ... communicate ...

yes it does work wonders and as awkward as it feels i try very much to be more open about my feelings toward anything and everything. yes it's like opening the flood gate but it feels GOOD. people might disagree but that doesn't mean they disapprove. yes my insecurities and flaws are exposed. i even look at it as jealousy which i didn't want to admit at first but eventually i did and boy, it does wonder. amazing indeed, but things do happen for a reason.

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i missed tennis on monday. i woke up late for combat yesterday. won't be able to go to gym tomorrow. so i guess its just right to skip exercising the whole week, well apart from volley on saturday. haha, excuses excuses. i am so very tempted to watch stardust as some said its a good one but at the same time i want to go home and rest for tomorrow. hmm, think i'll just go home after posting this

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nope, i don't celebrate DEEPAVALI so please stop wishing me. from strangers in salon to people i work with on a daily basis, oh my!

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Sok Tau

i thought of blogging something fun to compensate my previous depressing entry. somehow i remembered a conversation between few tourists in the monorail on my way to sentosa last sunday.

A: eh, gue pikir ini WC.

B: bodoh lu, emangnya lu pikir ini kereta api.

C: eh, asik ya bersih gini. itu apa ya disana *pointing to PSA*

B: Tanjong Pagar duduk lu, ini lama lho capek entar *ps: it only takes about 8 mins to reach the last station*

A: ini lagi digarap buat apaan ya? gue denger Universal Studio mau dibuka disini kan, jangan2 ini lagi

B: ini casino tapi yang gede di marina south situ. lu tau gak tanah nya semua dari Riau nih huahahahaha *big laugh*

C: eh disini ada merlion juga

B: bukan, ini istrinya. bapaknya di deket durian jatoh itu *then comes the history of esplanade*

wadaoooo. udah sok tau gaya bicaramu belagu sekali deh ih. i'm very sure you're not from Jakarta though.

well, at least you made my journey not that boring eh ;)

Tired

somehow i feel i am just blowing it all up when a friend assures me i am not. a friend who honestly told me how tired she is seeing my patience. a friend who told me that she could blow it bigger than me, had she be in my shoes. honestly, i know i am not exaggerating but deep down i wanted to let it go. it's difficult, just a mention of it changed my mood. even when i had a casual chat with someone tears started falling when i was told the truth, of course at that particular time i took it as a fabricated line to ease me.

the truth is that the disappointment in me might stay there for a very long time. i know myself very well and i know that i will end up feeling bad for having all these feelings. so i decided to give in. yes, again. well at least i have voiced my disappointment out. i guess its hard being someone who put her heart in her sleeves in everything she does. but then again i keep on saying to myself that i have to live without any expectation.

oh well, life is full of ups and downs and all these hiccups will only let me understand my surroundings more, makes me wiser and smarter in bracing what lies ahead.

pic. courtesy of cartoondollemporium.com

Invasion ..

who said facebook is only for human?

introducing, one of the creature i look forward to meet every saturday ... trouble

Enlightment

i was lazing around trying to get my butt off bed and do some house chore when suddenly my memory went back to the taxi ride i had yesterday.

the driver is chinese but his name is md. imran wong @ stephen wong. i couldn't help myself but asked if he's a convert. he said yes and i asked why in hoping to get a reason other than marriage. and i wasn't disappointed.

my journey was indeed the best taxi ride i have ever had during my 8 years in this country. he told me the reason and then he started talking about how beautiful the religion is and his journey in discovering all that. i then started to bring up how terrorism affects all and he gave me a good explanation on all things that are happenning around us, quoting from the holy Qur'an or the prophet's (pbuh) saying every now and then.

i couldn't help myself but my eyes were full with tears upon listening to him while reflecting on myself. comfort. sad. embarrassed. ashamed. contented. happy. proud. a very mixed feelings.

he ain't a preacher but he tried to understand instead of just practising what he's doing. and 2 things that stuck in my mind until now is :-

• the first thing he does when he wakes up and sees his wife is to greet her with salaam. same applies to his kids. and he believes that's the reason of his smooth 30 years of marriage. no arguments, no parents shouting at kids, no kids shouting at parents because they started their day with greeting each other with peace
• he mentioned about the prophet's (pbuh) saying: "to obtain knowledge travel into china if necessary". everyone is focusing on the arab world when it comes to learning about islam. they forget about the muslim community, and a big one that is, in china. we never hear of any issues with the community there as they leave in peace. why can't we learn from them.

so uncle, i'm sure you won't be reading this :) but thanks for the enjoyable ride. a ride that makes me reflect on myself. God bless you and your family.

3 in 1

3 activities in 1 day - movie *a good one*, volley ball *no brainer, weekly activity* and night out.

1 celebration for 3 people.

this time around, vb is for villa bali. the place we went after volley for a so-called "farewell" party for 3 girls. one is going back to south africa for good. one will be on a 2-mths holiday, while the other one will be going home and holiday and stuff for like 2 mths eventhough she'll be back in between. it was a pretty interesting place for gathering and food was pretty reasonable. we spent quite sometime there before heading down to CQ. original plan was pump room but the 3 boys were wearing shorts and slippers that they couldn't enter PR so we decided to head down to china one instead. an interesting night out and i felt much more comfortable around the boys, probably because they're young that i regard them as brother or just because the did the funny moves. it was fun, pool music chat friends. from there we went for a supper. supper crazy i know but everyone was hungry so we had to. i reached home like almost 5.30 when the uncle and auntie were cleaning the lift and stuff. crazy indeed, but i gues it's okay to do so once in a while.

it's 6 now and i hope i can wake up later. i am thinking of dropping by to the vb again to say goodbye to the couple that's going for holidays. didn't get a chance to do so when we were all busy moving from villa bali to clarke quay and apparently they didn't join.

on another note, i think i am much more at ease now. i reckon it's because i kinda get the closure i've been waiting for. it was very very very disappointing at first but after talking it out with a friend i feel relief and can see the whole picture clearly. she totally agrees with me and understand why i feel it more. well okay, it might not be the case; but action speaks louder than words, right?

The 1st Time

apparently teaching wasn't that scary, actually it's pretty interesting. of course i was a bit nervous waiting for 7 to come. there's no white board, only ohp and computer so i thought since it's a conversational class i'd only use transparancy once - when i introduced myself. i was still nervous when people started to come waiting for class to start. but somehow i collected myself and start making a round handing over forms and the handout. i always slipped my tongue when i talked in whatever language so i tried to control my speed of talking. it was pretty fun especially when break came but refreshment weren't prepared. we had several q&as session, with the guy who's stationed asking most of the questions. somehow they thought 'cewek', 'gue' is a formal word - thanks to those indonesian people who were being questioned upon arrival. i somehow had to translate few slang as well depends one the what they asked though i still don't know what bombom is (anyone?). this was actually a mistake - the q&as as suddenly someone commented that the guy should go for the intermediate class instead. he was apparently at lost that i cut it and told the guy to list whatever he wanted to know that is not in the lesson and give it to me. it was fun and i think i'm kinda looking forward to the next class, though i have to be more prepared; especially in explaining the grammar in english (what is kata sambung in english ya?) and organised. and of course i'll dress more normal, considering how few of them looked at my dressing last night. hey, i'm off to DnD straight after teaching!

Wish Me Luck.

i am now off to my 1st class where i'll be teaching 24 or 25 police officers before heading off to DnD. no preparation nothing whatsoever, i just hope my cough won't get in the way. *shuuders* what did i get myself into ...

Eureka!!

the reason i've been on a roller coaster ride of mood. the reason i'm so cranky and sometimes sensitive over not important stuff. the reason i feel tired most of the time. the reason i never want to leave my bed.

hmm, how long ago since i had my last coke? darn you cough!!!!

Roller Coaster

just as there's no reason needed to be happy, there is no reason to be down too right?

don't know neh, i was so happy earlier today reminiscing the good old days, the white car we used to ride during uni time that i even shared all the stories with my workmate, but suddenly i was so not in the mood to do anything. i feel like i just want to go home to my bed. it might be the cough, it might be the lack of rest and sleep. the thought of going to the girls only dinner already tire me out since i know it'd ended up late. so i decided to skip gym, backed out from the dinner as i am having a bad cough anyway and went straight to the salon for a pampering session. asked a friend in case she's around town as i was in the mood for some retail therapy. since she wasn't i decided to spend longer time at the salon and once done i went to do some window shopping before heading home. got myself a pretty big dinner on my way home. i was planning to get a foot massage as somehow i pulled a calf muscle during my running session yesterday but i need to pee pretty badly.

now i'm feeling lighter, happier, but of course wider and i don't care.

Reminiscing the Old Days

that white renault car. the car who'd been doing us, girls from class '92, a great favour. of course, i'm talking about the driver too. but let's just concentrate on the car =)

somehow a friend mentioned about the time we sent her to take a coach home with that car. then another one told the story in more detail. and i joined in as i remember the 3 of us waiting for the girl doing her facial. then another girl joined in talking about our blog. then somehow she created a blog that makes me soo happy reading it. i feel like i'm back to the old days, my days in uni back home. boy i miss that old days.

well now back to that white car. apparently it's in the workshop now. i hope it works well soon and do wonders again, this time around for the owner and his own family

Feeling Bless

one of the "little one" is troubled. nothing bad or whatsoever but apparently there's some competition going on and he was somehow the 'object' of it. so this became a topic of discussion i had with a friend. i try to think like one of the subject while my friend became the realistic one. it is easy for me to do so as i was, well actually still am every now and then, in that situation too. then my friend gave an example using the both of us.

i really admire the courage she has in admitting everything to me. she's exposing herself, her weaknesses, her insecurites. and to think i was actually feeling that few days back but tried not to let it out. i am really thankful of all the honesty and ended up admitting that i was like that too. she somehow told me how she approached things before and i told her about my way of approaching it. both are different but similar result. so yes, what's important is what you and i know, not what others think.

geez, i feel so very blessed to have you as a friend and i love you even more after the chat we had. *muacks*