Fickle

i unashamedly admitted to the fact that i am that. i love risky activities but i am not prepared to risk my future. i sometimes judge things quick and often look at it from the worst case point of view, which is not good. i create my own problem with my wild imagination on things. i want to be out of something badly. but when given a choice i'd hesitate 'cos i don't want to lose what i already have. i want this but if continue pursuing it i might be missing the chance of getting that which could lead to the other that, though the other 'that' is still uncertain as well. i know that sometimes its best not to know things but somehow i ended up knowing it and getting myself in yet another self-created mysery. i often wonder, what i really want. when i think i found the answer i'll pursue it but when i'm close to it i'd asked myself do i really want that? sometimes i want things just because other people want them. sometimes i want things because other people don't want them. and sometimes i want things simply because i want it. life is simple and i guess sometimes i make it complicated with all the 'what ifs'. sometimes i want to achieve more, sometimes i'm just contented with whatever life present me. another cycle in my life.