That "F" word

yupe, as expected i failed.

my first "F" word. once done, i went out and asked for the result. i was told that i haven't do the survey so i went in and do the survey. after it was done, result of the exam was displayed on the screen. i felt a pang of disappoinment, went out and told them that i don't want the hardcopy only to get told that i have to wait for it. my eyes were filled with tears and i was totally fulled of disappointment but i know nothing can change the fact, not even the what-ifs filling my mind. i know what the outcome is but still, the disappointment of seeing that word on my screen is beyond words.

i went to the place with full confidence; of failing i supposed. feel like i didn't do that bad and i don't even know if i'd choose another answer had i been given a 2nd chance today. the best part is that i scored 100% during the mock exam for the ethical part and here ethical is one of the domain where my result is below proficient. i realised though that i ignored the advise given during the exam preparation course - don't think of real life practice, but think of how it will be handle based on the book of knowledge.

yes i didn't spend enough time studying. heck, i even went for a weekend getaway 2 weeks before the exam (mum said "next time, conquer your exam before conquering any mountain." lol) . but to my defence, i spent my weekends doing some readings, skipping vb, reducing my cinema visit and decided to stay home if i have something on the following day or even on that evening itself. but yeah, i believe i didn't study to the max. we've been told to study 3 mths before the exam and i think i only start studying 'seriously' few weeks prior to the exam.

to be honest i'm not sure if i should re-take the exam now. firstly, this is more for my personal achievement, nothing to do with work. yes my reason of starting this was to have some value-added for my future. but i kinda decided to stay put now that my company is going towards a region structure instead of country. and secondly, i might end up picking the same answer again!! oh well, let me have more time to reassess everything before making any decisions.

i guess just like a project closure, i have to document this as part of the lesson learnt and move on. the disappointment will still be there for quite some time. hp told me that she failed twice in her sql certification before, kat told me that she failed her exam before, few others assured me that failure is normal in life and not to take it very hard. i know that for a fact too but i'm sure this regret will follow me for awhile. and i'll try my best to hold it in and put a smiling face tonight as a dear friend is in town.

sigh ...

looking back at my life - almost 9 years of living in singapore and i still haven't achieve anything significant. oh wait a moment, i have - having fun in life :P