Sweet

didn't expect the appearance today, but it definitely was one pleasant surprise.
confessed that i wouldn't feel safe anymore now that the authority has changed.
saw the tantrum which i think is kinda cute/funny

and a hypothetical question for a dear friend kinda cleared my mind - what do you want to wake up to everyday?

but i am still gonna miss the days spent in that room

Honored

that means the person who bought this is very thoughtful ...
ma'am, i feel so honored

i don't expect tears of gratitude. but i am happy to know that you're touch.
the pleasure is mine.


ps.
i am honored to know you.
and i thank God for letting us crossed path and letting me learn a lot more about myself - even if its only a shortwhile

Thank You

thank you for being the one who makes me realised that i still have hope in me.
thank you for being the one of nicest person i've crossed path with.
thank you for making me feel so secure and protected, for letting me know that my back is always covered.
and most of all, thank you for being the person that makes me learn to open up.

i know there will be tears in my eyes and i am not going to hide it. i won't let my pride gets the best of me.
for that, thank you for making me understand the beauty of being fragile.

thank you ...

Nevermind .. I'll Find Someone Like You

i'm starting to have a crush or maybe just like the idea of falling for you-know-who.
attached maybe even engaged and i kinda dislike him before but as days gone by and i started to know him better i like spending more time chit chatting and all with him.
and now this idea of falling might eventually be a real crush if i don't control myself.
damn!

Why?

everyone is either in a getting to know each other stage, in a relationship, engaged, getting married, married, having a baby, having a family, busy with the family.
everyone but me ...
is there something seriously wrong with me?

TARGET

i have to start saving and get myself a place of my own.
i have to be a homeowner in the next 3yrs!!

01.01.2012

so i started the first day on the new year badly :D
1. i slept as late as 4 am resulted in me waking up late
2. i spent the whole day watching drama online - laundry and some cleaning up in between
3. i ate like there's no tomorrow - noodle, chips, peanuts, diet coke and all

yes i know .. bad bad me
BUT tomorrow i will start a new regime; the reason for my being frumpy today.
and to make myself embarrassed if i didn't achieve what i want to, i'll write it all down here and see how it goes (or even the excuses i make in the future if i disobey them)

1. early morning for early jog - if i miss this i still have to jog at night, but no .. i can't miss it!
2. healthy diet again - cook for breakfast and dinner
3. commitment to exercising 20 days in a row ..

as of today my weight is 64.1 kgs
lets see how it goes 2 weeks from now..

2012

as 2012 approaches, everyone started having their own resolution. i am one who doesn't do that but hey, lets not be hypocrite and admit that secretly i told myself 'in this new year i should be better'
so though i don't have any resolution - to say - i am to STOP or maybe cut down on taking taxi and be more savvy with my income.
wouldn't it be great to have a place to call my own soon ...

Let Me

this afternoon. the glimpse ...
allow me to have my own interpretation of it. even if it's a wrong one, even when the numbers are so against me let alone the others, please allow me to enjoy and keep it with me.

Action!

they said the person who can safe yourself is you!
i've done my share; lets see if any changes gonna come

Affirmation

1. i want to lose the 16kgs (or maybe even more!) i've gained for the past few years
2. i want to be in control of my body and my appetite, not the other way around
3. i want to complete my marathon this year in less than 5hrs
4. i want to feel happy when i look at a picture of myself
5. i want to leave bad things behind, include that 'what-if' playing in my mind since april 2010
6. i want to be positive in every single way as positive attracts positive life
7. hopefully i can meet someone before the year ends .. this might be difficult but hey, positive attitude!!

come tomorrow morning, everything starts anew!

Bring me the Sun

beach holiday? didn't expect that, though i know it's just another way of making use of others. but wait a minute. friends don't do that. will keep that in mind. whether it'll stay there or eventually gone, let time answer that ...

Defeat

it's tough to look at defeat in the eyes and smile. but life goes on and people move on. just never give up and keep trying for the best. someday, it will be your time ...

Message

ok, i'm crazy

every now and then i take a peek. not that i want anything, i'm just curious. ok not true. i secretly hope a window will appear.

but now i asked myself: do i really want it? yes there is that part of me who wish for it, after all i'm a human being. but knowing how i'd be, do i really want to head down that road again? NO!

so, i guess it's better to not care. i HAVE to not care. don't want. don't care.

Belated

i remember the date. but when the day came, i totally forget about it. i sent a wish last year. but this year, even if i didn't forget, i wouldn't.
i can safely say that you have been erased from my mind. not totally 'cos sometimes the story surfaced and the curiosity took over. but there is nothing more than that.
i'm happy and for that .. happy belated birthday to you!

(No) Way Out

i saw a picture of the drinks and my mind turned wild. i can't control what's going on and to be honest i don't even know if i would like it if the idea turns real. but i couldn't help it.

just yesterday i received something and i was close to getting crazy trying to decrypt it when it is just a plain simple one.

the last time i experienced it i told myself no i am not into it. but whenever i don't know what's happenning, the whereabouts i became nuts. and the sad thing is that i have no rights to know what's going on.

this is SO not healthy. i seriously need to find a way out. i seriously need to work on how to fulfill the promise i made to myself, parading it.

Random

watching a teenage series, i got this conclusion:- it's not the subject ... it's the idea that creates my non-stop thinking

and from a friend i got this:- God didn't give you who you want. instead God gives you what you need ... to teach you, to hurt you, to love you and make you exactly the way you should be

and yes, i learned!

Anger Management

i have been angry for so long that it scared me. isn't it amazing how some people can bring out the worst in you. my ex-boss told me once 'if you are not happy with how things are working, make a change, take an action. if you don't want to then just shut up'. he of course shut up for quite a while and then took the action. i remember that everytime i am faced with the one who bring the worst out of me. for now, i'll just shut up and keep my eyes on the long-term goal.
today i decided while staying in focus might be a little tough, why not make some short-term goal and keep your eyes on it without letting the long-term goal disappear! so yeah, i have few short-term goal i'd like to achieve:

• let's get back on the game of running: 5km. 10km. 15km. 21km. and back to the marathon with a better timing this year, please.


• let's aim on getting myself an international driving license, shall we?

let's focus on these two for now. and let's see whether or not i strike it off!

Again

it's closed ... again.
maybe this is a final sign. God's way of giving me time to adjust. and in few more days i'll make my final decision - i'm done with it!

Blessings ...

on my way to work, the phone rang. dad's number. what's up i wonder. picked it up and heard mom's voice

'whatever you want to do, if you think it's good for your future, you have our blessings. your dad has given his permission so if you think it's good, do it'

i asked about my sister's plan and what i got is a 'don't think about your sister. she is married and all. you just think of yourself, of your future and whatever you think best for you, you got our blessings'

tears just started to flow. how can i not be touched. at the same time it made me feel bad for not being able to make them happy.

life is good when you have great parents - what more can i ask for...