i am way in a total panic mode now *and yet i still have the time - not to mention nerve - to blog*. panic but yet at the same time i feel calm (does this make sense?) seems like what i've been doing for the past few weeks is still below expectation or maybe even means nothing. it feels like all my (hard though not too hard) effort is going down the gutter *again*. maybe i'm just not meant to be one? oh well, at least i've tried.
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