Move On

Know when to walk away .. and start something new

Challenge

Would you take a challenge even if that means diving into the unknown with two possible outcome - to rise above all or fall deep?

But life is all about challenges, no?

Victim no more

I have to change my attitude. I have to change the way I look at this world.
This bad thing that is happening to me, let's change it to be the BEST thing that happens to me.

Never give up, think highly of yourself and proof the world wrong!

Change

I seriously can't believe it!
After all the hard work I put in, all the late hours, sacrificing personal time for work and all, even trying to do more than a director the big gunner still think I am not ready for promotion because I am not ready to sell

What a load of nonsense!!
No one else in this department sell and just because he is new with high expectation, and my luck to be under him I received that feedback.

AND at the same time this girl who just joined like 3 months ago was promoted simply because 'it wasn't her fault that she has no opportunity to manage a job'

Favoritism at it's best!!

I'm trying so hard to see this from the positive side - to see this as an eye opener, opportunity. This could be the ultimate sign for me to move on.

Sometimes change is simply inevitable :\

JUNE!

TIME FLIES!!
It's already the 6th month of the year and I have yet to make any significant changes on myself

Just came back from a short break, solo trip. It's been awhile since my last solo trip that I really really enjoyed this. I even took all the touring solo instead of joining a group tour, partly because I have quite a short time and also because I'm not into mingling.

Did some soul searching, reflecting on life and friends, and realized that some friends took me for granted, only use me when they need me. am i disappointed? Of course, I'm a human. but will that change me to the worst? Nope. I take all these as lesson learned and be more cautious in the future.

Anyways. it's June!!

Challenge of the month: no taxi! Well, unless it's work related (i.e. reimbursed by the company)

Another challenge to be taken seriously: LOSE WEIGHT!
I've gained additional 2 kgs within the past for days, crazy or what? I'm currently 70.1 kg! crazy to the max.

During the trip I asked myself:
Do I want to be single forever? nope.
Have I done anything to change that? nope

Then I asked myself again if I really really want that to happen why am I not making any changes?

So yes, I've decided that I will keep my weight posted here so that I am shaming myself if I don't make any changes to my life.
And there are still 6 months in 2015, not too late work hard and make changes to my life

Bucket List - an update

looking at the bucket list I realised that there are still a lot to have accomplished before the year ends.
so far the ones that I've accomplished and proud of are bringing the parents for a trip and attending Mandarin course.

I would like to add few items to it and re-iterate those that is very important!
- start knitting/crocheting
- challenge myself to a week of $10/day incl. transport
- register and sit for the ACFE exam
- and of course the ultimate, lose weight!
- start saving money to buy a house, or in this case - apartment/condo.

7 months before the end of the year; there are still a lot to do!!

Rant

Nowadays, I couldn't care less about what people think of me.
I used to be worried if I offended someone or spent days thinking how to make people like me or involved me in their activities.

But, now? forget it

You forget to include me when all this while I've been caring about you? well, you're off my list
You only approach me when you need help but when you're having fun you exclude me? you're off my list

I am getting more and more suspicious of people that seems to be close to me. I do realised that most of the time I made the effort to get to know them first, which is okay.
But if you only respond out of being polite, forget it!

I guess it's true that as you grow older you moved from wondering how to befriend someone to who is worth befriending!

Changed

Sometimes I wonder, am I that bad in people's eyes?

I shared my unhappiness and ended up being judged

I cared for someone even felt hurt when she didn't get what she deserved and ended up not being acknowledged, totally forgotten when they are having fun

I do realize that some people will only look for me when they need help or something; when it comes to having fun? I'll be stroke off the list

I know I took the being judged situation to the extreme .. totally removed them from my mind so as not being hurt anymore although I am the one feeling like an outcast now.
Yes I know I am being overly sensitive but I'd rather avoid the whole thing than ended up in the same situation again - being judged.

The year has not even reach half yet I have lost few friends ...

now, cheer up!!
It's okay if people don't include them in their fun list.
It's okay to avoid people so as not to be judged again in the future ..
Just use the energy into something more meaningful and let's just focus on my own goal!

On career

I have always been reminded that I myself am in charged of my own career but I never really take it seriously - partly because I am too busy with work and well, honestly also because I just couldn't be bothered, taking things for granted.
Until the recent update that might affect my progress.
So now I stepped up and asked directly about it, I may look ambitious but hey, come on .. who isn't ambitious in the corporate world. If you're not what's the point of working? Some might say they're not but seriously you just have to admit the fact that there is always a little, even if it's very very tiny, ambitious in each of us.

I now make it known that I too, am ambitious ... I've been walking the walk and now I've started talking the talk ... Let's see.

Bucket List

-- updated on 18th May 2015

A promise made to myself: at least one new challenge a month!!
And the challenges are basically what I have in my bucket list - if you don't clear it soon, you will never clear it.

JANUARY

well, kinda too late for this ;) but let's see what did I do in January ...
ah okay

1. Managing 7 jobs at the same time: CHECKED! 

FEBRUARY

1. Canyoning, jumping off the cliff conquering my fear of falling hard into the water: CHECKED! 
2. Managing downward: in progress
3. See the komodo dragon: CHECKED! 

MARCH 

1. Register for ACFE exam and study well - have to do !!
2. LOSE WEIGHT!!
3. Register for Mandarin Course - CHECKED!  starting in April

APRIL

Okay, it's April in the next few days and I have yet to register for the ACFE, boohoo me!
and the losing weight is not progressing at all :\

Mandarin course will start in 2 weeks time and maybe I'll keep myself steady first with this course before committing myself to the ACFE exam

But seriously, let's lose some weight before April ends

1. START Mandarin course - CHECKED!
2. Save money .. A LOT of it to get myself THAT Cartier watch - yes I have one in mind
3. Bring the parents to yet another holiday trip - CHECKED! we went to LANGKAWI!
4. Start running again

MAY

1. Register for ACFE exam - no more procrastination!! :'(

2. Plan a holiday for myself - CHECKED!  Laos, Marocco and maybe maybe S. Korea come to mama!

JUNE

1. Lose 8 kg!
2. Register for ACFE exam

3. No taxi for a month!
4. Go to bank to get assessment on housing loan

JULY

1. Lose more weight
2. Save money, start planning for the house purchase
3. Study for ACFE

I love me

A reminder from a friend:
'You don't find a man, you just need to love yourself'

With that in mind, I woke up this morning and dressed up just for myself and nothing else. And how wonderful the day turned out to be!

Indeed, you just need to love yourself .. and everything else will fall in it's place

2015

how time flies .. few blinks and 2015 has arrived!


OK 2015 ... resolution? no!


I'm aiming to clear some of the items in my bucket list this year, and on top of the list is LOSING WEIGHT!!


I hope I can do it - I CAN DO IT!! I HAVE TO DO IT!


I'm aiming to lose at least 5 kg by 25th Jan 2015 .. let's focus to get there!


2014 is the year where all my leave was either rejected or cancelled due to work commitment.
the good point of it is that I managed to clear most of my credit cards bill - last one will be cleared by end of this month!


Although I'm craving for some holiday this year I have to remind myself to be vigilant still. Buying a house - that is one item in my bucket list that has to be ticked off before I hit 45!


HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Tipping Point

Sometimes you're faced with a challenge you either like it and take it happily, dislike it but take it still as you have no choice, or dislike it and do something about it.
I started from the first, moved to the second and now, am I already moving to the 3rd respond?


Could this be a sign from God for me to move on?

Karma

Somehow by the twist of an unfortunate event, I got involved in this task - 8 types 4 times a year.
I wanted to protest, I wanted to get out of this but I know no matter how hard I try, I wouldn't be able to escape it .. so why bother protesting?
I looked at them .. think at them .. and tears just began rolling ..


I don't know .. is this a sign that I should move on? start looking what's available out there?
Or is this just a sign that I really need a break, even if it's only for a day or two.


And as usual, every time I have that thoughts my superhero contacted me ...

Lucky

you don't win people/client overnight, you owin them through constant, warm communication ...

i am lucky to have such a nice good mentor who make me his personal task!

Disturbed

I want to write something but there are so many things in my mind that I ended up with not knowing what to write

OK let's just write one that is so unimportant but kinda disturbed me

I don't know ..

I guess being single for so long kinda make you feel happy and all smiley when someone just gave you more attention.
I mean I know this person, kinda annoyed with him and when I met him I realised that I wouldn't be able to like this kinda person. But, with distance and the constant - okay not constant but at times - chat over the phone, work related btw, I just feel hmmm, happy?

Happy with the attention, happy with the conversation .. happy even deep down I know this is one sweet talker, one smooth operator.

And today I was just feeling disturbed - it started with a curt email/message making it like it's my fault when it's so not. Then a news about how smooth he is, even smoother than people who believe they're smooth.
Why does it bother me? Maybe because I know the attention given is just an act, it's just his personality? Probably

Ok nevermind, knowing myself it will fade away soon.
Wonder when can I find one to call my own???

Allure

you are very interactive with guys. you just need to control the effect you have in men.

insult or compliment or just a silly sweet talk? or the person himself is the one who was affected?

whichever it is, i will take that as a constructive criticism - at least i know i have the power :D

Super HERO

a hero, to me, is not someone who wears a cape, having super power, and mission is to save the world
to me, a hero is:

someone who, when you are in doubt, unsure about the path to choose, called you and provided reassurances without you asking. like (s)he knows that you are in need of those words.

scratch that .. that is not a hero - that is a superhero!

Proactive

today i did something that i never thought i would could do - sales.
it seems fun and hopefully i can continue doing this and really come with a result. to make myself proud.

it is time to make the best of what life has to offer and forget all the nonsense fantasies. some things are worth fantasizing but others are pointless and might lead to self destruction; so why bother right?

but honestly, there is this tiny bit of hope in the corner of the heart that what i am doing could make someone proud and notice me.

but, still the main focus is: myself.

2014

major challenge: reaction!
gotta practice reacting cool in all kind of situation; after all remember that you are not part of the flock!