CHANGE

I don't know what's wrong with me!!
I didn't do any hari raya visiting back home, not in the mood to meet the guest and basically just not into doing anything. I know part of it is due to what's happening at work .. I'm just not happy anymore. But the other part of it is due to my own fault - my confidence level is so low because of my appearance. I might not be in control for the things that happened at work, but I am in control of my own appearance!! I HAVE to make a change.
up until today, not only did I not meet my challenge of losing weight .. I gained more!! what is wrong with me??

The past week after heading back to work I have to face reality - the counselor of mine was in town. Though I tried as much as I can to avoid that topic he brought it up again and again. He was suggesting me to get away from here and try in another office for awhile, something I thought about before but I'm no longer in the mood. He asked me to let go of this shxtty year and think of the future instead, but how could I? This betrayal hit me deep down to the bone, this double standard .. I really can not accept it. No matter how busy I am, how occupied I am with other stuff, the minute this issue is brought up I got teary. Until when can I stay this way?
Honestly, when he's in town and brought me to meet potential client, involved me in pitching and all, I got motivated again, like I can see the future. But then I was hit back by reality - he no longer has control/power over me. The new guy with power is different from him. The reality is that the new guy won't involved me in any pitching. In fact, like what I told my counselor, I did more last year than this year. And yet I was told that I'm not ready. When I did more than my seniors. Simply because the new guy is new that he didn't see, hence didn't acknowledge my accomplishment. At times I ended up doubting myself. This is not healthy!!
But ...
No offer until today. Though I'm not giving up, I'm not settling either. When deadline arrives I have to make the final decision - move out, 'change level' or trying new place for 3 months. I cannot tell myself that it's okay to be treated this way again. I have to make the right decision - get out of this unwelcome place before it happens again.

On another note ...
I bought myself that beautiful simple piece of ring I have been thinking of. I am a happy lady. I decided to reward myself every now and then as a token of appreciation to myself.
AND
I have also decided that today is the last day of being a bum. I have to make some changes and be disclipine with it. Move around, clean the house now that the helper is not coming back and get back to the gym. My holiday is just around the corner and let's try to lose few kgs shall we?

69.2 kg today.
I shall report back in a week's time