Random ...

life is simple, i just make it messy for myself ...

counting down to the days where i have to fulfill the promise i made to myself - move on, let go. no more waiting. forget it! tough i know but i had to, for my own good. to be honest, there's no one's fault to begin with. i was the one who fell into the trap, blindly. should've known better. oh well, move on ...

the agent emailed for decision. i don't know what to decide. i ended up telling him what i really feel. i just don't want to waste my money and my time, having high hopes and all only to get them all washed away. let's see what he'd say ...

sometimes you wonder what life has in store for you. but this morning, during the train journey to work i just realised that sometimes the life you want is not meant to be yours. sometimes, that kinda life is just not for you to experience it. God knows best, that's the only consolation i gave myself. sad, but oh well ...

my grandauntie passed away recently, my auntie might be in the midst of an operation now. the first one has no immediate family to grieve for her whilst the other has loads of kids to take care of her. i can't help but ask myself, what will happen to me in the old age - no one to pray for me when i die. no one to take care of me when i'm sick. i don't want this kinda ending but, how could i change it? i can't believe i'm saying this but i kinda give up on the hopes i used to have.

another 5 days ...
that's what i told myself - another 5days to move on ...