adopt

maybe it's time to adopt my colleague's motto
I DON'T F**KING CARE!

Reason

sometimes i wonder what is the reason God put me in this world for ..

to be a corporate slave that is stuck between office politics?
to be a failure in life that even the only thing i want is the only thing i couldn't have?
to be sorry for myself all the time like what i am doing now?

i know i shouldn't feel that way. i have so many blessings bestowed upon me already. its just happened that the two big projects happened at the same time and its a one man show. but ..
do you think they will look back into all these and reward me good? i don't think so.
not working, is that an option? definitely no ...

i am SO depressed now; when people turn suicidal i'll just turn into a cry baby.
every dark cloud has its silver lining; i'm just waiting for mine ...

a question

when will YOU answer my prayer? i'm tired of YOU know what. i have no doubt that YOU will answer it at the right time if it is right for me. please please please grant that wish of mine. YOU are my only hope. amien.

Its *mad* all over again ...

i told myself that today will be the last chance from my end. pathetically, i prepared myself for something that from the beginning i know wouldn't happen. so i guess this is it. is it really it? honest to God, i don't know. part of me knows that it is while the other part is still trying so hard to hold on to something that has nothing to hold on to, if i am being honest to myself.

is it better to follow your heart or follow your mind/logic? only time will tell ...

*have a blessed birthday ...

Maybe ...

had a very deep conversation with few friends earlier. an issue with the 10yrs marriage. and issue with the 3yrs relationship. a hubby facing midlife crisis. a boyfriend who seems to have a commitment issue. i listened to each of them intently and started to take all these as a lesson and implemented it to myself. i seriously can't imagine myself being in the position of this girlfriend, let alone the wifey.

maybe it's true that men who having midlife crisis are difficult to rationalised with.

maybe it's true that men who've been single for so long have difficulty in commitment. and,

maybe it's time for me to let go the idea that makes me still hung onto *that*

it also made me realise .. whether you're married, in a relationship, or single, you're bound to face some issue; God is afterall, fair.

Ironic

i got my closure, well maybe not but at least i have peace with myself.
everything in the list is checked, checked and checked. then you realised you never think of that one thing; and it's there! unchecked?