Thinking and Pondering

i couldn't stop thinking of my previous post - i don't want to waste my life being ordinary. i really want to be a somebody, not just anybody. no, i ain't talking about fame but i can't help it if i do wish for fortune. i am human after all. i long for financial freedom.

and then a movie, a chickflick movie that is, portraying a successful woman with a to die for apartment. the way she dress up and all made me wonder if i could ever own that kinda apartment, leave that kinda life. somehow, deep down inside of me, i feel like i can. but what have i done that could enable me to achieve that? none. i stayed too long in the same company, being unappreciated at time but that doesn't stop me from staying put. not wanting to get out from my comfy zone? i don't know. maybe yes, maybe not. all i know is that at times i look down on myself. and instead of still doing things to improve myself, i decided to stay. ah, i guess i just want to play safe. and this comes from me, ME, who loves surprises. so, why don't i do something? 'cos i'm not ready financially. and who's fault is that? none other but me.

so have i done anything to fix that? honestly, no. i actually end up getting deeper and deeper.

i really hope this time, this darn time, i really change.

somehow i feel there's more in me that have yet to be exposed ...

a tad too late? maybe. but then again, better late than never.