Ironic

i got my closure, well maybe not but at least i have peace with myself.
everything in the list is checked, checked and checked. then you realised you never think of that one thing; and it's there! unchecked?

Lesson Learned ...

i got it. i fell for the idea, for the fact that after almost 11 yrs of living here, there's finally some excitement. and then my ego got bruised. and i thought it was something else, when the fact is that i couldn't accept that it's me .. ME! who's pride got tarnished.
oh well, God has His own way in teaching us human; this is His way of remindin me to treat others with respect - tell them instead of let them hang. brushing things off easily ain't right now that you know how it feels to be the victim ...

i am a diamond, not a pig ; therefore, i ought to behave like one ...

Not Hard Enough

i seriously thought God has answered my (and mom's) prayer. what do you know ...

Gone To Soon

my hope for having it longer doesn't come true. i am totally disappointed. heart broken, maybe. it feels like i'm facing the male me.
oh well, life goes on ...

fade away

looks like i can't hope too much. guess i have high expectation too fast. oh well, c'est la vie ...

smile

how can i not have a smile on my face when what i read always makes me smile. it will be good if i can keep smiling for a long more .. and maybe more after that ...

plunge

so i took the plunge - wrote. checked. sent.
let's just hope curiousity "saves" the cat, after all i believe i deserve it ...

miss ya ...

when it's off peak season at work, there's only one thing i miss - the fun chat i used to have.
oh well ...

shallow ...

people said i'm shallow and i think it's okay to be shallow, after all it's your life; until it fired back ...
'not fair', you can't judge without knowing the reason why. and to think i feel bad for not being an open book ...
oh well, i'll swallow my pride and move on ...

fly me to the moon ...

the idea of being kidnapped and sent to an island far far away sounds so very tempting at the moment. i don't know why, but out of a sudden i feel oh SO lonely; it's been awhile (years actually) since i feel this way :(

realisation ...

i don't know why or how, but during the classical concert earlier my mind just wandered off and suddenly i came to a conclusion - just friends, nothing more nothing less ...

Priorities

it suddenly hit me - on my journey to work - that i don't list down my priorities properly. so many times i thought about it. so many times i told myself, oh well .. you only live once so make the best of it. but now that i think about it, since you only live once, don't you also want to list your priorities carefully?!

i looked at my reflection on the train's glass and asked myself "you're 36. when will you start behaving like one?"

i think i have to start changing it not tomorrow, not next week but now.

starting with seriously losing some weight followed by setting a proper standard and me a little more open, not striking things off just because of one thing or another.

i promise i will change. i will. i have to.

Sien*

*if i'm not wrong that means annoyed/bored in cantonese/hokkien/mandarin?

anyways ...

i seriously need a break from all these emails. and i'm getting seriously concern with not being able to touch any trainings. yupe was given 2 half-day break next week but come on, how am i to be involved in my role if i'm stuck with this. and i kinda sense that some of them forgotten that i'm just assisting, not part of the core team. maybe it's time to remind them a little bit.

it is good, i know; but isn't it better if i am giving a chance to really focus on my main role? i am for sure going to bring this up on my next updating session with the overseas guy.

all this lead to one thing :- i seriously need a getaway, away from singapore for a bit!

Totally Random

just need to get few mins away from the emails ...

had a good mid-year review last week, just when i thought i got a great counsellor he dropped the bomb - he has tendered. i just hope the next counsellor i'd be assigned to is my boss. anyways, i voiced out my concern and was given wonderful advise. i can say he really boost my confidence level with all the confident he had in me. and yes sir, will surely follow all the tips you shared!

on another note - guess what! i spent US$120 over something i would never in a million years think of getting. what's wrong with me, i seriously have no idea. anyway it's a done deal. and together with a friend we're planning of doing the unthinkable. i'm sure in few years time, i will look back at all these, shaking my head wondering what demon had possessed me then.

mom and dad are back in town, this time around for mom's knee. they kinda gave me a 'surprise' visit, being home when i came back from KL. duh! guess they have to bare with some messiness, then haha.

13 days of leave not to mention the forever growing number of time offs to clear by june 2010. where should i go? i have SO many places in mind but not that SO much money, dang!

just got a news that hp is leaving too, woohooo happy for her. now it's only left with you know who and the truth shall reveal soon.. God is good!

and with that i end my entry for today ...

One more down!

• Visit ground Zero
• Go B.A.S.E Jumping/Wingsuiting
• Get a British accent
• Travel to every country in the world
• Learn lots other languages
• Own a ferret
• Go to Africa/climb Kilimanjaro
• hanglide
• See the Aurora
• See Great Wall of China
• See the Redwoods
• See pyramids
• Get rich quick and have a huge seaside mansion with a yacht and a fleet of Private Jets
• See the Pope
• See a shuttle launch
• See the Olympics or be in them
• Attend 1 or many new years celebrations in new york
• Explore Australia/ ayers rock
• Swim with dolphins - does feeding wild dolphins count?
• Be an extra in a film
• Own a room with a view
• Buy a round-the-world air ticket and a rucksack, and run away
• Be a member of the audience in a TV show
• Ride the Trans-Siberian Express across Asia
• Write the novel you know you have inside you
• Drink beer at Oktoberfest in Munich
• Go through all of the Musee du Louvre
• Parasail
• Be a rebel
• Go Zorbing
• Work on an “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” Show
• Crash a wedding
• Ride a motorcycle along the Great Wall of China
• Have waffles in Belgium
• Be at the top of the Eiffel Tower at night
• See a real igloo
• Shower in a waterfall
• See a lunar eclipse
• Walk to the top of the Empire state Building
• Tell Donald trump “Your Fired”
• Hallucinate
• Spend the New Year in Australia (first)
• Experience weightlessness
• Skydive from space or high altitude (200,000 feet-275,000)
• Sleep under the stars
• Take a ride on the highest roller coaster in the country
• Go wild in Rio during Carnival
• Forgive your parents --> they are never at fault anyway ..
• Drive the AutobahnRaft through the Grand Canyon
• Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring
• Accept yourself for who you are
• Scuba dive off Australia's Great Barrier Reef
• Go up in a hot-air balloon
• Attend one really huge rock concert -> bon jovi qualifies? ;)
• Kiss the Blarney stone and develop the gift of gab
• Go deep sea fishing and eat your catch
• Make yourself spend a half-day at a concentration camp and swear never to forget
• See the Statue of Liberty
• Catch a ball in the stands of a major league baseball stadium
• Look into your child's eyes, see yourself, and smile
• Listen to the Dalai Lama Speak
• See the Taj Mahal
• Bunji Jump
• Go to see the Aztec Pyramids
• See the house you grew up in
• Go whale watching
• Queue for something for at least 24 hours
• Stage Dive
• Make someone cry of happiness
• Sponsor a child
• Have a coffee on the sidewalk in Paris and people watch
• Touch one of the Royal family
• Visit Area 51
• Visit Machu Picchu
• Spend a day at Disney land being a kid
• Write down your goals and then do something about them
• A winter in Hawaii, spring in London, summer in the Alps, fall in New England
• Take a year off
• Live abroad
• Visit Italy
• Live life to the Fullest -> within limit, that is ...
• Walk down Abbey Road
• Fly a plane
• Follow the Nile and see the pyramids
• Sail around the World
• Visit all of Europe (Iceland too), new-Zealand, Australia, Japan, Ghana
• Visit the moon
• Admit you are WRONG about EVERYTHING
• Explore Russia
• To be able to say....in everything...whether success, or failure...I Tried
• Go on a cruise
• See all the seven wonders of the world
• Meet Michael Jackson and laugh at his plastic nose -- impossible now that he's dead :\
• See Niagara Falls
• See the CN Tower sing in the rain!
• Watch the sunrise on a mountain
• See Stonehenge
• Question everything you take for granted.
• Read the Classics
• Catch fireflies at sunset
• Dye your hair
• Meet a King or Queen
• break a world record
• do all the things your parents told you not to
• Ride a Motorcycle
• Climb the 7 summits
• Waterfall jumping
• See the Anne Frank House
• See the Hollywood Sign
• Sell ice to an Eskimo
• Spelunk
• Learn some dirty jokes that would make a nun laugh
• Have a secret hiding place
• Run thorough a car wash
• Run with the bulls in Pamplona

First for the year ..

HAPPY 2010, everyone!

not that it's any difference from any other day but people normally want to start anew, afresh with the new digits. i personally have no resolution, well that is if you don't say "not to have any resolution" is a resolution by itself ;)

anyways, just taking a few mins break from work - invading people's privacy can be darn tiring especially when you have like 37Kish email to read within 2 weeks time *faint*. and i heard more than a million is coming soon, gosh! seems like we're stuck in this freezer until june. i hope against the mother of all hopes that the other engagement starts soon; i am not doing my main role here. and when there's nothing else, i'd be here all the time. my indirect boss is waiting for me to be release from here so that i could start all sorts of reading etc haha, i'll give him a shock when i update him next week. i'm still trying to understand how things work here. yes i've been told that at times we're doing everything but i actually hope to learn the technology aspects more whenever i have spare time, but it seems like i can't run from this project :\ oh well, i'm gonna put all this in my mid year review that's for sure ...

on another note, 2010 huh. how time flies whether or not you're having fun. but nah, life is too short to dwell in the negative aspect of anything. i hope to achieve more this year - be it mentally or spiritually. i seriously want to be a better person in the eyes of God, an obedient daughter, a better friend and of course leading a healthier lifestyle! yeah right, 2nd week of january and i've only hit the gym once! body is still aching from tuesday's pump but seriously need to push myself harder man.

that aside, i hope to cover more places too this year. might be a bit harder with how things work in this new role, but never try never know. and this leads to another thing - money money money!!. let's save more diligently this year, shall we?

ok then, time's up. better get back to work. oh and you know what, it might be a new year but i'm still having the same songs playing on my MP3 - all from the same singer, JGS *die*.

When the Insomnia Strikes

i can't sleep!! then i realised i haven't done any blogging for so long. so let's make another entry in 2009, shall we?

hmmm, what should i write? what should i do? ottokajo? hah! let's start with that one ...

ottokajo - that's korean for what should i do though i'm not sure if it's really written that way. korean? why suddenly korean? why not? ;)

naah, it all started with a friend who again and again updated her facebook status with quotes from one particular korean drama. she then "forcefully" encouraged me to watch it. of course i said no. but then you know, curiousity kills the cat. here, my 'detective' instinct took the best of me and i ended up watching it. the minute i saw the lead actor i was like WHAT? that ugly?!? but i continued watching it, telling myself that i'd stop when i reach a certain scene. and that scene appears 10mins before the drama ends! oh well, done with it i still couldn't see what's the fuss about. i spoke too soon, of course.

the following day, i couldn't stop one of the song from playing in my mind. not only that, the story started repeating itself too! somehow i have the urge to watch it again, but this time with no prejudice and all. i started googling as well and was surprised to see that the lead actor ain't that ugly. anyway to cut the story short, sukkie oppa is my 1st korean crush. hahahaha, this coming out from a female in her 30s .. so lame! but .. but .. you can't blame me, i'm a sucker for romance. and that's one of the reason i always avoid watching this kinda drama. i love day dreaming, my mind can wander everywhere AND i can create a story based on my own fantasy. can't blame me .. i'm a pisces - a known romantic fool ;)

okay, enough korea *why is korea not in the 1000 places to visit before you die, btw?*, move on ...

life - huh! nothings change.

i got a new job. bit too early to say i love it but i LIKE it! i like the fact that i head down to office everyday without knowing what i'll be doing. i like the fact that i'm doing investigation, at times invading people's privacy legally and i got paid for that! the people are fun to be with too though most of them are younger than me; i might've wasted my time too long in the back office but hey, better late than never! still, i have a mission to accomplish. i have to change their perception that i only want to do data analysis. i guess somehow somewhere during the interview i mentioned something that made them think that way. i've already voiced it out once and i'm sure i'll voice out again and again in the future. still in the learning process now; and still am confuse with how things work at times. i've learned few cool stuff but i got to stop all that for the time being as i'm being pulled to help the core team 'invading' people's privacy. at times i feel like i know those people more than they know themselves hahah. makes you think twice before doing anything with your office machine, i tell you!

life - part deux

nothing's change. so far i'm pretty happy with how my life is this year. of course there's tons of improvement to make, but overall .. contented! i did travelling almost every month. okay, correction - travelling every month. hopefully i can continue doing so next year without creating a hole in my pocket. but with this new role, i know i can't do any impromptu travelling. and i have to save a lot if i really wanna do that trip of a life time. what? where? when? that's for me to know for now. just don't wanna jinx it. gotta start saving diligently, that's for sure!

now what else? what else? ah yes, i am overweight! way way WAY overweight. i have to be discipline again, man. i am aiming to take part in few new challenges next year but for that i need to be fit. can someone motivate me? how did i do it before still amaze me. but never try never know. so yeah, gotta put that on top of my list now!

okay, the entry is getting boring now. better stop writing and try to catch some sleep. heading to the bird park with the little rascals (yes, niece and nephew are in town!) tomorrow ...

nite nite *morning morning*

Reason

everything happens for a reason ...

indeed it does ...

earlier this year i decided to take the highway - the road i've been thinking of taking for years. i've done all the research and finally stepped my foot on it few months ago. i have all the plans playing in my mind but also decided that from that day onwards, i'd enjoy every second of everything. if it happens, it happens. if it doesn't, well at least i've tried instead of just doing the 'what if ...'

looking back now i realised that the minute i've made up my mind, everything else changed; for better that is. and i couldn't stop thanking God for all that. i realised that my patience and perseverance for the past 2 years have finally been rewarded. thank You, God for answering my prayers. at the same time i started wondering about this plan i've recently stepped my foot on. somehow i knew that i had to reschedule it because of all the new things that happened.

and guess what? i received a news today that without me planning it, it has to be postponed. i was slightly disappointed but my brain told me that this is yet another plan of God. He knows what's best for me. i don't have to think about rescheduling anything now, i simply need to walk down the road and see what comes along ...

ya Rabb, remind me to always be grateful to You. smack me if i fail in doing so ...

A Note

it's been awhile since my last entry, ya. but today somehow i just feel the want to type something in.
just read a friend's blog - a secondary school friend of mine. honestly, i am so curious with what had happened to her life but i think i have no right to ask her, not that i am close to her anyway. but one thing's for sure - i salute her for being such a strong lady. it made me realised that all the trouble i have is nothing compared to what she's faced.
anyways, we celebrated hari raya few days ago. alhamdulillah, i was given a chance to go home and celebrate it with the family. i still had to work from home, but at least i am surrounded with those matters most to me.
i wasn't that excited with this year's celebration because i didn't give my best during ramadhan. work had taken the best of me this year that i spent every night at work and once home i just wanna crush in. hope God give me a chance to meet ramadhan next year.
work wise, it's getting better now that we're going live in 2 weeks time; everything is kinda settled now and i hope it will stay this way until it goes life.
i have an important meeting tomorrow morning, one that would make my life different. i leave everything in God's hand - i know He will only give me the best.
wish me luck ...

The Execution Phase

work has been crazy lately and it will continue to be so until october. i worked from friday 'til saturday morning, sunday night. thought it was over now the file was submitted, i was asked to go back to work on monday night and stayed there 'til 11.30ish. stayed 'til midnight on tuesday and had a conference call at a play on wednesday, imagine that! thankfully i only stayed until 9ish yesterday and today, after the functional team decided to change the business rules AND sent a wrong setup table for the 3rd time just for one day, i decided to go home and work on it later. 2nd iteration and it's still the same. God help me next week as i'll be away. it might be a problem but at least the functional team will be on leave from wednesday onwards so even if it's a wrong setup i can't do anything until her return *evil*

it was challenging, yes but at the same time my body and brain is just so tired that tears started rolling down. i guess it's due to hp on leave that i have no one to vent out my frustration to. i did cry harder today when i had to redo my work again and again because of the rules and files.

but still, i felt totally pushed to the edge yesterday that i took the papers, signed and faxed them over.

yupe, been contemplating for awhile. friends and even my sister said i can do it on my own that i've started gathering info and even asking for samples from those who's done it. but yesterday, with the frustration of this particular project and another two which i have yet to start my mind began wondering. i asked myself, with this schedule of mine, do i have a time to look into every detail? the answer i got was probably not. and that's when i took the papers and pen.

so yeah, i've prepared myself for the long jump. i'm in the 'ready' state now waiting for 'steady' and 'go' to be announced.

wish me luck, for the project that is :)