When the Insomnia Strikes

i can't sleep!! then i realised i haven't done any blogging for so long. so let's make another entry in 2009, shall we?

hmmm, what should i write? what should i do? ottokajo? hah! let's start with that one ...

ottokajo - that's korean for what should i do though i'm not sure if it's really written that way. korean? why suddenly korean? why not? ;)

naah, it all started with a friend who again and again updated her facebook status with quotes from one particular korean drama. she then "forcefully" encouraged me to watch it. of course i said no. but then you know, curiousity kills the cat. here, my 'detective' instinct took the best of me and i ended up watching it. the minute i saw the lead actor i was like WHAT? that ugly?!? but i continued watching it, telling myself that i'd stop when i reach a certain scene. and that scene appears 10mins before the drama ends! oh well, done with it i still couldn't see what's the fuss about. i spoke too soon, of course.

the following day, i couldn't stop one of the song from playing in my mind. not only that, the story started repeating itself too! somehow i have the urge to watch it again, but this time with no prejudice and all. i started googling as well and was surprised to see that the lead actor ain't that ugly. anyway to cut the story short, sukkie oppa is my 1st korean crush. hahahaha, this coming out from a female in her 30s .. so lame! but .. but .. you can't blame me, i'm a sucker for romance. and that's one of the reason i always avoid watching this kinda drama. i love day dreaming, my mind can wander everywhere AND i can create a story based on my own fantasy. can't blame me .. i'm a pisces - a known romantic fool ;)

okay, enough korea *why is korea not in the 1000 places to visit before you die, btw?*, move on ...

life - huh! nothings change.

i got a new job. bit too early to say i love it but i LIKE it! i like the fact that i head down to office everyday without knowing what i'll be doing. i like the fact that i'm doing investigation, at times invading people's privacy legally and i got paid for that! the people are fun to be with too though most of them are younger than me; i might've wasted my time too long in the back office but hey, better late than never! still, i have a mission to accomplish. i have to change their perception that i only want to do data analysis. i guess somehow somewhere during the interview i mentioned something that made them think that way. i've already voiced it out once and i'm sure i'll voice out again and again in the future. still in the learning process now; and still am confuse with how things work at times. i've learned few cool stuff but i got to stop all that for the time being as i'm being pulled to help the core team 'invading' people's privacy. at times i feel like i know those people more than they know themselves hahah. makes you think twice before doing anything with your office machine, i tell you!

life - part deux

nothing's change. so far i'm pretty happy with how my life is this year. of course there's tons of improvement to make, but overall .. contented! i did travelling almost every month. okay, correction - travelling every month. hopefully i can continue doing so next year without creating a hole in my pocket. but with this new role, i know i can't do any impromptu travelling. and i have to save a lot if i really wanna do that trip of a life time. what? where? when? that's for me to know for now. just don't wanna jinx it. gotta start saving diligently, that's for sure!

now what else? what else? ah yes, i am overweight! way way WAY overweight. i have to be discipline again, man. i am aiming to take part in few new challenges next year but for that i need to be fit. can someone motivate me? how did i do it before still amaze me. but never try never know. so yeah, gotta put that on top of my list now!

okay, the entry is getting boring now. better stop writing and try to catch some sleep. heading to the bird park with the little rascals (yes, niece and nephew are in town!) tomorrow ...

nite nite *morning morning*

Reason

everything happens for a reason ...

indeed it does ...

earlier this year i decided to take the highway - the road i've been thinking of taking for years. i've done all the research and finally stepped my foot on it few months ago. i have all the plans playing in my mind but also decided that from that day onwards, i'd enjoy every second of everything. if it happens, it happens. if it doesn't, well at least i've tried instead of just doing the 'what if ...'

looking back now i realised that the minute i've made up my mind, everything else changed; for better that is. and i couldn't stop thanking God for all that. i realised that my patience and perseverance for the past 2 years have finally been rewarded. thank You, God for answering my prayers. at the same time i started wondering about this plan i've recently stepped my foot on. somehow i knew that i had to reschedule it because of all the new things that happened.

and guess what? i received a news today that without me planning it, it has to be postponed. i was slightly disappointed but my brain told me that this is yet another plan of God. He knows what's best for me. i don't have to think about rescheduling anything now, i simply need to walk down the road and see what comes along ...

ya Rabb, remind me to always be grateful to You. smack me if i fail in doing so ...

A Note

it's been awhile since my last entry, ya. but today somehow i just feel the want to type something in.
just read a friend's blog - a secondary school friend of mine. honestly, i am so curious with what had happened to her life but i think i have no right to ask her, not that i am close to her anyway. but one thing's for sure - i salute her for being such a strong lady. it made me realised that all the trouble i have is nothing compared to what she's faced.
anyways, we celebrated hari raya few days ago. alhamdulillah, i was given a chance to go home and celebrate it with the family. i still had to work from home, but at least i am surrounded with those matters most to me.
i wasn't that excited with this year's celebration because i didn't give my best during ramadhan. work had taken the best of me this year that i spent every night at work and once home i just wanna crush in. hope God give me a chance to meet ramadhan next year.
work wise, it's getting better now that we're going live in 2 weeks time; everything is kinda settled now and i hope it will stay this way until it goes life.
i have an important meeting tomorrow morning, one that would make my life different. i leave everything in God's hand - i know He will only give me the best.
wish me luck ...

The Execution Phase

work has been crazy lately and it will continue to be so until october. i worked from friday 'til saturday morning, sunday night. thought it was over now the file was submitted, i was asked to go back to work on monday night and stayed there 'til 11.30ish. stayed 'til midnight on tuesday and had a conference call at a play on wednesday, imagine that! thankfully i only stayed until 9ish yesterday and today, after the functional team decided to change the business rules AND sent a wrong setup table for the 3rd time just for one day, i decided to go home and work on it later. 2nd iteration and it's still the same. God help me next week as i'll be away. it might be a problem but at least the functional team will be on leave from wednesday onwards so even if it's a wrong setup i can't do anything until her return *evil*

it was challenging, yes but at the same time my body and brain is just so tired that tears started rolling down. i guess it's due to hp on leave that i have no one to vent out my frustration to. i did cry harder today when i had to redo my work again and again because of the rules and files.

but still, i felt totally pushed to the edge yesterday that i took the papers, signed and faxed them over.

yupe, been contemplating for awhile. friends and even my sister said i can do it on my own that i've started gathering info and even asking for samples from those who's done it. but yesterday, with the frustration of this particular project and another two which i have yet to start my mind began wondering. i asked myself, with this schedule of mine, do i have a time to look into every detail? the answer i got was probably not. and that's when i took the papers and pen.

so yeah, i've prepared myself for the long jump. i'm in the 'ready' state now waiting for 'steady' and 'go' to be announced.

wish me luck, for the project that is :)

One (actually two) More Down ...

I got this list from one of the group on facebook and let's see how many can i tick off ..

• Visit ground Zero
• Go B.A.S.E Jumping/Wingsuiting
• Get a British accent
• Travel to every country in the world
• Learn lots other languages
• Own a ferret
• Go to Africa/climb Kilimanjaro
• hanglide
• See the Aurora
• See Great Wall of China
• See the Redwoods
• See pyramids
• Get rich quick and have a huge seaside mansion with a yacht and a fleet of Private Jets
• See the Pope
• See a shuttle launch
• See the Olympics or be in them
• Attend 1 or many new years celebrations in new york
• Explore Australia/ ayers rock
• Swim with dolphins
• Be an extra in a film
• Own a room with a view
• Buy a round-the-world air ticket and a rucksack, and run away
• Be a member of the audience in a TV show
• Ride the Trans-Siberian Express across Asia
• Write the novel you know you have inside you
• Drink beer at Oktoberfest in Munich
• Go through all of the Musee du Louvre
• Parasail
• Be a rebel
• Go Zorbing
• Work on an “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” Show
• Crash a wedding
• Ride a motorcycle along the Great Wall of China
• Have waffles in Belgium
• Be at the top of the Eiffel Tower at night
• See a real igloo
• Shower in a waterfall
• See a lunar eclipse
• Walk to the top of the Empire state Building
• Tell Donald trump “Your Fired”
• Hallucinate
• Spend the New Year in Australia (first)
• Experience weightlessness
• Skydive from space or high altitude (200,000 feet-275,000)
• Sleep under the stars
• Take a ride on the highest roller coaster in the country
• Go wild in Rio during Carnival
• Forgive your parents --> they are never at fault anyway ..
• Drive the AutobahnRaft through the Grand Canyon
• Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring
• Accept yourself for who you are
• Scuba dive off Australia's Great Barrier Reef
• Go up in a hot-air balloon
• Attend one really huge rock concert -> bon jovi qualifies? ;)
• Kiss the Blarney stone and develop the gift of gab
• Go deep sea fishing and eat your catch
• Make yourself spend a half-day at a concentration camp and swear never to forget
• See the Statue of Liberty
• Catch a ball in the stands of a major league baseball stadium
• Look into your child's eyes, see yourself, and smile
• Listen to the Dalai Lama Speak
• See the Taj Mahal
• Bunji Jump
• Go to see the Aztec Pyramids
• See the house you grew up in
• Go whale watching
• Queue for something for at least 24 hours
• Stage Dive
• Make someone cry of happiness
• Sponsor a child
• Have a coffee on the sidewalk in Paris and people watch
• Touch one of the Royal family
• Visit Area 51
• Visit Machu Picchu
• Spend a day at Disney land being a kid
• Write down your goals and then do something about them
• A winter in Hawaii, spring in London, summer in the Alps, fall in New England
• Take a year off
• Live abroad
• Visit Italy
• Live life to the Fullest -> within limit, that is ...
• Walk down Abbey Road
• Fly a plane
• Follow the Nile and see the pyramids
• Sail around the World
• Visit all of Europe (Iceland too), new-Zealand, Australia, Japan, Ghana
• Visit the moon
• Admit you are WRONG about EVERYTHING
• Explore Russia
• To be able to say....in everything...whether success, or failure...I Tried
• Go on a cruise
• See all the seven wonders of the world
• Meet Michael Jackson and laugh at his plastic nose -- impossible now that he's dead :\
• See Niagara Falls
• See the CN Tower sing in the rain!
• Watch the sunrise on a mountain
• See Stonehenge
• Question everything you take for granted.
• Read the Classics
• Catch fireflies at sunset
• Dye your hair
• Meet a King or Queen
• break a world record
• do all the things your parents told you not to
• Ride a Motorcycle
• Climb the 7 summits
• Waterfall jumping
• See the Anne Frank House
• See the Hollywood Sign
• Sell ice to an Eskimo
• Spelunk
• Learn some dirty jokes that would make a nun laugh
• Have a secret hiding place
• Run thorough a car wash
• Run with the bulls in Pamplona

Bye Bye Bye

another one's leaving. not a surprise but still raised our eyebrows, my mouth is salty i guess. hoping to be the voice of the remaining, i wish nothing but the best for her.
et moi? patient my friend, patient. you have your own plan, don't you?

The Planning Phase

after being stucked in the initiation phase for years, i've made up my mind; making small little steps forward...

1st step - register for the test

whether it's a success or failure, at least i'm trying ...

Living Life to the Fullest

I got this list from one of the group on facebook and let's see how many can i tick off ..

• Visit ground Zero
• Go B.A.S.E Jumping/Wingsuiting
• Get a British accent
• Travel to every country in the world
• Learn lots other languages
• Own a ferret
• Go to Africa/climb Kilimanjaro
• hanglide
• See the Aurora
• See Great Wall of China
• See the Redwoods
• See pyramids
• Get rich quick and have a huge seaside mansion with a yacht and a fleet of Private Jets
• See the Pope
• See a shuttle launch
• See the Olympics or be in them
• Attend 1 or many new years celebrations in new york
• Explore Australia/ ayers rock
• Swim with dolphins
• Be an extra in a film
• Own a room with a view
• Buy a round-the-world air ticket and a rucksack, and run away
• Be a member of the audience in a TV show
• Ride the Trans-Siberian Express across Asia
• Write the novel you know you have inside you
• Drink beer at Oktoberfest in Munich
• Go through all of the Musee du Louvre
• Parasail
• Be a rebel
• Go Zorbing
• Work on an “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” Show
• Crash a wedding
• Ride a motorcycle along the Great Wall of China
• Have waffles in Belgium
• Be at the top of the Eiffel Tower at night
• See a real igloo
• Shower in a waterfall
• See a lunar eclipse
• Walk to the top of the Empire state Building
• Tell Donald trump “Your Fired”
• Hallucinate
• Spend the New Year in Australia (first)
• Experience weightlessness
• Skydive from space or high altitude (200,000 feet-275,000)
• Sleep under the stars
• Take a ride on the highest roller coaster in the country
• Go wild in Rio during Carnival
• Forgive your parents --> they are never at fault anyway ..
• Drive the AutobahnRaft through the Grand Canyon
• Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring
• Accept yourself for who you are
• Scuba dive off Australia's Great Barrier Reef
• Go up in a hot-air balloon
• Attend one really huge rock concert -> bon jovi qualifies? ;)
• Kiss the Blarney stone and develop the gift of gab
• Go deep sea fishing and eat your catch
• Make yourself spend a half-day at a concentration camp and swear never to forget
• See the Statue of Liberty
• Catch a ball in the stands of a major league baseball stadium
• Look into your child's eyes, see yourself, and smile
• Listen to the Dalai Lama Speak
• See the Taj Mahal
• Bunji Jump
• Go to see the Aztec Pyramids
• See the house you grew up in
• Go whale watching
• Queue for something for at least 24 hours
• Stage Dive
• Make someone cry of happiness
• Sponsor a child
• Have a coffee on the sidewalk in Paris and people watch
• Touch one of the Royal family
• Visit Area 51
• Visit Machu Picchu
• Spend a day at Disney land being a kid
• Write down your goals and then do something about them
• A winter in Hawaii, spring in London, summer in the Alps, fall in New England
• Take a year off
• Live abroad
• Visit Italy
• Live life to the Fullest -> within limit, that is ...
• Walk down Abbey Road
• Fly a plane
• Follow the Nile and see the pyramids
• Sail around the World
• Visit all of Europe (Iceland too), new-Zealand, Australia, Japan, Ghana
• Visit the moon
• Admit you are WRONG about EVERYTHING
• Explore Russia
• To be able to say....in everything...whether success, or failure...I Tried
• Go on a cruise
• See all the seven wonders of the world
• Meet Michael Jackson and laugh at his plastic nose
• See Niagara Falls
• See the CN Tower sing in the rain!
• Watch the sunrise on a mountain
• See Stonehenge
• Question everything you take for granted.
• Read the Classics
• Catch fireflies at sunset
• Dye your hair
• Meet a King or Queen
• break a world record
• do all the things your parents told you not to
• Ride a Motorcycle
• Climb the 7 summits
• Waterfall jumping
• See the Anne Frank House
• See the Hollywood Sign
• Sell ice to an Eskimo
• Spelunk
• Learn some dirty jokes that would make a nun laugh
• Have a secret hiding place
• Run thorough a car wash
• Run with the bulls in Pamplona

DONE DEAL

so i've said it out loud, "check for me, i'm dead serious. it's been 10 years".
do i make a mistake blurting that out loud? only time will tell.
God will always give the best to those who never stop having faith, that's for sure. and all i know that it's now or never ...

Thinking and Pondering

i couldn't stop thinking of my previous post - i don't want to waste my life being ordinary. i really want to be a somebody, not just anybody. no, i ain't talking about fame but i can't help it if i do wish for fortune. i am human after all. i long for financial freedom.

and then a movie, a chickflick movie that is, portraying a successful woman with a to die for apartment. the way she dress up and all made me wonder if i could ever own that kinda apartment, leave that kinda life. somehow, deep down inside of me, i feel like i can. but what have i done that could enable me to achieve that? none. i stayed too long in the same company, being unappreciated at time but that doesn't stop me from staying put. not wanting to get out from my comfy zone? i don't know. maybe yes, maybe not. all i know is that at times i look down on myself. and instead of still doing things to improve myself, i decided to stay. ah, i guess i just want to play safe. and this comes from me, ME, who loves surprises. so, why don't i do something? 'cos i'm not ready financially. and who's fault is that? none other but me.

so have i done anything to fix that? honestly, no. i actually end up getting deeper and deeper.

i really hope this time, this darn time, i really change.

somehow i feel there's more in me that have yet to be exposed ...

a tad too late? maybe. but then again, better late than never.

Question

i don't want to waste my life being ordinary

what do i want?
have i work towards achieving it?