Long Overdue

Been ages since my last update, partly due to blogger being blocked in the office :|

Anways ...

Had an awesome two weeks in England. I never thought I'd be so much in love with that country that I have been thinking of heading back even during my trip!
Had a good catch up with Claire who brought me to places I would never dream of visiting if I were to go alone or with another friend.
Oh, I've signed up for a driving lesson! I promised her that our next road trip will have two drivers

I finally took the plunge. I adopted not one, but two .. TWO perfectly beautiful cats - a kitten and her mum. I was so excited and get a little teary when I unwrapped the scratching post I bought for them. This must be the feeling of every parents when they realised their hard earned money is put into someone that the kids will love. So, until the day I have kids of my own I am going to spoil rotten my two fur babies.

Went home during Ramadhan only to get it cut short because my aunt passed away. Who would've thought that I'd be spending the eve of Syawal on board the plane with mum and spending the 1st Syawal sending my aunt off to her final resting place. Life is indeed, vulnerable.

I'm done with my leave but still lack the motivation to head back to work. I have spent 2 days working from home, and planning to do the same tomorrow. This new job is not giving me the motivation, I am not really passionate now. I need to motivate myself and move back to what I love ASAP. for now, I will focus on the bonus and then look for internal move. I think part of this lost of interest is due to the fact that I am starting from the bottom again when those above me are not that competent, I am still frustrated with how things work in commercial, and that this role requires no business trip. I think I am quite okay with no business trip now that I have two fur babies that depend on me, I just need to really get used to this new slow pace environment. I should really really make use of this slow pace environment to do something else - I really need to think on what I really enjoy doing and make a profit from it..

Another ambition - property for my birthday present!! Might be a month or two later if I were to wait for my bonus, but lets aim for that. I am going to apply for citizenship too so that I can fulfill my dream of being a home owner ASAP.
Wish me luck!

SLOW!

I just realized this - it's already May, 5 months since I started focusing on my diet and 7 months since I spent loads of money on a trainer. And what did I get so far? 5 kgs down .. ONLY 5 kilos!
My trip is just around the corner, the trip where I imagine I'd look good in photos due to all the weight loss will not happen.
I asked myself why? I lost 5kgs in a month before, now I don't even have a stable 5kgs weight loss even after 7 months on training!
Is my trainer suck? well, he ain't as great as others to be honest but he still trained me!
It's my diet. It's my lifestyle and I am regretting it now!!

OK, enough regret.
The parents are in town and I have to bring them out for dinner and all which means I have to eat too .. maybe I should control myself and be firm - you guys eat, I choose a healthier version here.

I have 5 days to work on losing more weight - though I dream of losing 5, let's aim to lose 2-3 kilos.

Random

So i checked my email yesterday and there it was - an email from that company to schedule an interview. I was excited and nervous at the same time, am I capable for this? do I really want to give it a try?
Then I told myself - the reason I have yet to achieve what I dream of is because of my timidity, my lack of confidence in myself!
I reminded myself on the cover letter I wrote for this place - I believe I sold myself well, and I do have the capability so go for it! don't think too much and just give it a go with the best that I can do.

So yeah, I decided to give it a go - never try never know. and I should keep on working towards my goal. And at this age, I can't delay it. I still have time - although limited - to do more than I am doing now. I always feel that I am destined to do more and this is my time to give it a try!

On another note, a colleague just came back from a road trip with her parents and while sharing the experiences they all agreed that travelling with old folks required us driving on our own. I suddenly have this want to bring my parents on a road trip - driven by me, not private car. So with that in mind, I have added additional stuff to my bucket list: learn to drive.

Now, lets find a driving course.

Be Patience ...

I have been a bit of an emotional wreck for the past few days. Mostly because of not having anything to do at all at work when others are busy. And I still can't get over the fact that the team lead is someone of the same level as me. Although I have to admit that the banking and statistic background give him a better start compared to me.
I was busy looking for another opportunity - inside and outside of this environment. I was - am - still tempted to apply for that role even when I know I don't really have all the experience required. I applied to few places as well, hoping that somehow one of them will get back to me. So far none, but I am not giving up yet.
I realised one thing though - I enjoy consulting, I enjoy meeting people and travelling for work. Will I head back to consulting? I want to, so very much - but I don't want to move back to the Big 4; at least not now. I told myself yesterday that I should gain some knowledge here and go back with a higher position.
This morning, fresh with the post-workout energy I told myself .. give it time. No matter how crappy and slow things are here, stay for a bit more. Things will eventually pick up. Meanwhile, take courses that can enrich your opportunity to move to another role internally.
I am writing this but honestly my heart is screaming 'remember your age!'
But if I move now, I will be stuck in this level. I might as well be patience and enrich myself with that certification. Let's make the call now!

MY FEAR of looking stupid is HOLDING ME BACK

so here it goes ...
there's an opening - something interesting, but it's a bit, well 2 levels higher than where i am now. i am interested to be honest, but i'm not sure i am ready or even qualified for that!
my buddy said i can but do i want to risk it all and look stupid? or should i just give it a go, so what if i look stupid? if its meant to be it will be anyway right?

i dunno man ...
maybe i'll sleep on it and make the decision tomorrow since deadline is tomorrow.

Awakening

So yesterday i dropped by the old company to meet an ex-colleague for dinner. There, i saw few colleagues of mine but didn't bother to stop and say hi :)
But what hit me is the face of one of the lady - she was looking up at the ceiling, letting go an exasperation sigh. She doesn't look happy and she doesn't look great.
It just hit me that THAT was me before. Yes, I love what I did back there but do I really want to sacrifice my life, is it worth that much?

I may not feel contented - yet - in this place because things move too slow here. But rather than complain about it, shouldn't I make use of the time for my own benefit? Learn something new, get organize, anything! First time in my life did I took note of my travelling expenses. First time I started to really think about what I want and even planned to make a drastic change to achieve that dream of mine.

Just few days ago it hit me that I am no longer at the age where I can get away with wanting to start something new and not start it fast. If I want to make changes, if I want to start something new I have to do it fast! I am no longer in my 30s, let alone 20s. I am at the age where people have planted their feet firmly on the ground.

So rather than complain or feeling unhappy, I should take things positively - data is not in, so what should I do? enrich myself!

Destination: dream world

OK, I kinda decided where I want to go next year!!
I know it's too early, not to mention I don't know how long will it take to save back all the money used for this year's holidays but you know I'm positive that I can do whatever I want to do!

So here the are:
- cherry blossom (a must!) in South Korea, I know Japan is prettier but I'll stick to South Korea for now
- Bhutan! and this will be my epic adventure for next year

Of course, I still keep my eyes focus on having my 1st property next year and this will be the top priority still.
I have Antarctica (still) and Kilimanjaro on my list - but this, will be keep for now.

My savings is kinda slow this year thanks to all the crazily expensive travelling but next year, let's work harder. and go back to my kind of travelling - budget controlled travelling ;)